tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post1313032507232828327..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 776Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-65045382552417395772010-06-08T21:44:57.772-04:002010-06-08T21:44:57.772-04:00Your revised version wasn't posted because rev...Your revised version wasn't posted because revised versions are handled by Phoenix. I forwarded your revision to her, and emailed you to that effect.<br /><br />She should have some input for you soon.<br />http://phoenixsullivan.blogspot.com/Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-33345937062722991392010-06-08T21:09:03.691-04:002010-06-08T21:09:03.691-04:00(None of my comments have been getting posted. Th...(None of my comments have been getting posted. This is my third time trying so if this comes across as spam I apologize. But I'm gonna try again.)<br /><br />Thanks to EE and all his loyal minions for all your comments and suggestions.<br /><br />I don't know if this is any better, but here is my second attempt.<br /><br />>><br />The Narrator’s first memories are of hell, of being transformed into a demon, made into a slave, living life from one beating to the next. This all changes when Raven appears in his life. She awakens in the Narrator a desire for something more, however vague that sense of something may be, and together they devise their plan to escape hell. <br /><br />The Narrator is forced to escape on his own when he finds Raven’s preserved head on the floor of his cave. Now he has one demon chasing him across hell and another planning to crucify him.<br /><br />In another world, Beta is plagued by nightmares – nightmares of demons chasing each other through hell. He has written a program to stop his dreams, but the program isn’t working any more. He tries seeing a doctor. The doctor helps, until the demons appear in his waking life and his closest friends begin to die off one by one. He can’t understand why anyone would be hunting him or his friends. <br /><br />Beta goes into hiding to escape those hunting him, but the demons find him once again and his fragile attempt at a normal life is shattered. His wife is murdered; his child is kidnapped; his home is burned to the ground. He decides to hunt those that have stolen his life. This decision leads him to hell, where he is transformed into a demon. <br /><br />He is Beta no longer. Now he is the Hunter. And crucifying the one that calls himself the Narrator isn’t as much an end to his torment as it is a new beginning.<br /><br />THIRD RAINBOW is a completed, 97,000 word science fiction novel about man-made demons and time travel.jmkmcmullenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04583164724632078131noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-11602180098038550632010-05-28T19:15:22.985-04:002010-05-28T19:15:22.985-04:00I find the parts about Beta quite interesting. And...I find the parts about Beta quite interesting. And I can see the slowly growing rainbows being fascinating/promising/omionous. The first part sounds a bit lurid for my taste, and I do think a clearer sense of how the Beta and Narrator strands come together, and how the whole thing ends, would be helpful.Joanna Hoythttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13447960126998692419noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-13694932070151925692010-05-28T18:06:34.876-04:002010-05-28T18:06:34.876-04:00Not that this is news to anyone, but Dave F is a b...Not that this is news to anyone, but Dave F is a better man than I.<br /><br />I hope the bizarre nature of this query causes all minions to forget about EE's 1-day auction item tonight/tomorrow. D'oh! I just reminded you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-8104754550729657072010-05-28T18:03:42.301-04:002010-05-28T18:03:42.301-04:00If the author was going for some sense of grandios...If the author was going for some sense of grandiose post-modern ambiguity, he certainly achieved it >_> but, will anyone want to read it? Maybe Thomas Pynchon just makes it -look- easy :PM. G. E.https://www.blogger.com/profile/08995766358224581297noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-176673236083118002010-05-28T17:47:06.004-04:002010-05-28T17:47:06.004-04:00And here I was thinking nothing could be more impr...And here I was thinking nothing could be more improbable - and thus more likely to be correct - than GTP#4.<br /><br />I enjoyed the introductory paragraph - good voice. Not effective in a real query, but funny. How to say this tactfully...? If this is a send-up of a fantasy query letter, it's very close to really good.<br /><br />Dare I assume, in the actual novel, that Beta's life is interspersed with The Narrator's rather than coming along after the fact? It's really hard to get readers excited about a guy watching rainbows grow in his eyes for years on end after they've been spoiled by demon-chases and severed heads. Like expecting sixth-graders to settle down and do math after you've been showing them Kung-Fu movies all morning. <br /><br />I am - strangely, I admit - more interested in Beta than in the Narrator. But then, I am long past 6th grade.Jebnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-16253201553504083422010-05-28T16:32:23.592-04:002010-05-28T16:32:23.592-04:00I took this offline and removed all of EE remarks ...I took this offline and removed all of EE remarks so I could see your bare naked words. Since this is named after rainbows, I will assume it has a happy ending (good wins over evil, love triumphs, yada, yada, yada...) and that is because the rainbow is considered a good omen. If there is no happy ending then you are working against one of the oldest conventions in the written history of mankind. <br /><br />I think this is the story of a meeting -- the hellspawn narrator in escaping hell meets Beta in his happy life and the rainbows presage this event. I also think this event is the emotional heart of your story. There are stories out there that consist of unrelated events or marginally-related characters that suddenly converge and create deep emotional impacts. It is the convergence and its consequences that sell the story. That's the subject of your query.Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17985158361431606939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-39994221635289528102010-05-28T13:53:39.631-04:002010-05-28T13:53:39.631-04:00It's very rare that I say this, so let me put ...It's very rare that I say this, so let me put it as tactfully as possible: it sounds like you wrote this while you were high.<br /><br />Start over from scratch, and try focusing on Beta's storyline. He has weird dreams; he tries to program them away (explain, please). The dreams start becoming real (why?), real enough to kill his friend. He goes into hiding (why?) and does something (what?) to end the madness._*rachel*_https://www.blogger.com/profile/03293167107180931700noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-28739739964575255622010-05-28T13:35:32.765-04:002010-05-28T13:35:32.765-04:00I'd like to travel in time to a point where I ...I'd like to travel in time to a point where I understand this query. Apologies to the author because that's harsh, but trying to make sense of this query bordered on cruel and unusual punishment.<br /><br />Stop telling us things that happen and tell us what this story is ABOUT.Stephen Prosapiohttp://www.prosapio.comnoreply@blogger.com