tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post117500916184896311..comments2024-03-18T13:32:44.865-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: New Beginning 247Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1175314405772640602007-03-31T01:13:00.000-04:002007-03-31T01:13:00.000-04:00I realize why "logic flow of a turnip" doesn't wor...I realize why "logic flow of a turnip" doesn't work for me. Turnips don't flow at all. I think "logic flow of a mud puddle" works better. Maybe it's just my crazy way of thinking.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1175227094133307662007-03-30T00:58:00.000-04:002007-03-30T00:58:00.000-04:00Nice writing, but maybe a bit too much of it, I th...Nice writing, but maybe a bit too much of it, I thought. The description got in the way of the story a bit. <BR/><BR/>Loved the continuation!McKoalahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01457446171624585099noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1175192126959132782007-03-29T15:15:00.000-04:002007-03-29T15:15:00.000-04:00"thyroid eyes?" "small self?" I didn't like those ..."thyroid eyes?" "small self?" <BR/><BR/>I didn't like those phrasings.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1175183679685071542007-03-29T12:54:00.000-04:002007-03-29T12:54:00.000-04:00Hi EE,I see that you and Woody have given me the g...Hi EE,<BR/><BR/>I see that you and Woody have given me the go ahead. Good to know!<BR/><BR/>I'll wait a little while before sending - Don't want to wear out my welcome on openings.Robin S.https://www.blogger.com/profile/03258459688300851984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1175180078851902082007-03-29T11:54:00.000-04:002007-03-29T11:54:00.000-04:00Sex between 2 people is a beautiful thing ; betwee...Sex between 2 people is a beautiful thing ; between 5 it's fantastic--Woody AllenEvil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1175179336516445502007-03-29T11:42:00.000-04:002007-03-29T11:42:00.000-04:00Hi Amy, stick and move, gutterball - Thanks for yo...Hi Amy, stick and move, gutterball - <BR/><BR/>Thanks for your comments. Sounds like I should consider some trimming.<BR/><BR/>Dave- I'm glad you liked the turnip line - you're right - it is wicked.<BR/><BR/>If EE allows this it, the next opening I send in center on the sexual. Not sure how much he likes that, or how much is allowed. I may have to do a little archive digging.Robin S.https://www.blogger.com/profile/03258459688300851984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1175170963759325442007-03-29T09:22:00.000-04:002007-03-29T09:22:00.000-04:00FWIW - By the end of the first paragraph, I was ex...FWIW - <BR/><BR/>By the end of the first paragraph, I was expecting that the viewpoint character was pregnant and the aunt was attempting to enforce her idea of a good name on the child. A few paragraphs later, I had no idea what the scene was about.Twillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16254392137759837985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1175156134739822812007-03-29T04:15:00.000-04:002007-03-29T04:15:00.000-04:00Awesome continuation.2nd sentence woman with big, ...Awesome continuation.<BR/><BR/>2nd sentence woman with big, swollen thyroid eyes...<BR/>Maybe cut 'big' - with swollen thyroid eyes.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1175139878038444782007-03-29T00:44:00.000-04:002007-03-29T00:44:00.000-04:00Saying that your aunt has the "logic flow of a tur...Saying that your aunt has the "logic flow of a turnip" is so deliciousy wicked.Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17985158361431606939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1175135381029007302007-03-28T23:29:00.000-04:002007-03-28T23:29:00.000-04:00Forgot to say that I loved the continuation.Forgot to say that I loved the continuation.Robin S.https://www.blogger.com/profile/03258459688300851984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1175131191334182102007-03-28T22:26:00.000-04:002007-03-28T22:26:00.000-04:00AND the Aunt sounds like Betty White's crazy, foul...<I>AND the Aunt sounds like Betty White's crazy, foul-mouthed character who fed her husband, a couple cows, and some chickens (the legal limit) to a mutant alligator in that weird movie about Lake Placid, Maine.</I><BR/><BR/>God, I thought that was great! Of course, I'm easily amused.<BR/><BR/>As for the opening, I had no problems with it. Duty visit or whatever, I can just see this kid fidgeting (and trying not to) while casting quick, desperate glances toward the nearest window in hopes of seeing Mom's car pull up. I had an uncle that told me I needed to go to Grace School, so I can easily imagine the irritation factor here.<BR/><BR/>I should probably admit that I <I>am</I> a little clumsy, but not nearly that bad!GutterBallhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17943760313844692975noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1175131068347111962007-03-28T22:17:00.000-04:002007-03-28T22:17:00.000-04:00The second sentence is so long I forgot there was ...The second sentence is so long I forgot there was a first sentence. The "logic flow of a turnip" didn't work for me. These paragraphs definitely painted the picture of the child's momentary misery but I think you can pick up the pace by trimming unnecessary description. I don't think you want the reader to wallow in that misery for long if this is an opening. Good work!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1175125954958210642007-03-28T20:52:00.000-04:002007-03-28T20:52:00.000-04:00Hi anon 12:18, and thanks.Dave, This is the beginn...Hi anon 12:18, and thanks.<BR/><BR/>Dave, This is the beginning of a short story. It's about a self-contained world that is askew but considered normal by those who have "designed" the world they inhabit.<BR/><BR/>I think households, neighborhoods, family groups, as well as larger-group social norms, with their inherent world-building and definitions of what constitutes normal, are interesting. <BR/><BR/>Bernita,<BR/><BR/>You're right - this would be over the top for a typical 7-8 year old child. But this kid is mimicking the adults around her with her "why, yesses".Robin S.https://www.blogger.com/profile/03258459688300851984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1175125864107570502007-03-28T20:51:00.000-04:002007-03-28T20:51:00.000-04:00I like the quirkiness of this opening. But it's to...I like the quirkiness of this opening. But it's too wordy for me, and that makes it a struggle to parse and read. I'd cut down on the descriptive phrases. In a way, I hate to say that, because they are GOOD descriptive phrases, but too many of them just get in the way of the story.AmyBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02636921840451091870noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1175104552984976952007-03-28T14:55:00.000-04:002007-03-28T14:55:00.000-04:00It happens. There's a branch in my family tree tha...It happens. There's a branch in my family tree that honestly believes the name Karen is misspelled because if the name starts with a K, you have to say Kay-ren instead of Karen. So the name we think of as Karen has to be spelled Caren. <BR/><BR/>No joke.<BR/><BR/>There are a lot of peole who natively speak English who just happen to be certifiable.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1175104154033320292007-03-28T13:49:00.000-04:002007-03-28T13:49:00.000-04:00It just didn't generate any interest for me. Havi...It just didn't generate any interest for me. Having read that much, I'm lke -- fine. Whatever. Fussing over diction is not my idea of a gripping introduction to a gripping plot.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1175099566636709082007-03-28T13:32:00.001-04:002007-03-28T13:32:00.001-04:00Amd I have trouble with such a "small self" answer...Amd I have trouble with such a "small self" answering "Why, yes."<BR/>Strikes me as an adult's reply, not a child's.<BR/>Unless, of course, this is a vigilante midget.Bernitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05264585685253812090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1175099551963330242007-03-28T13:32:00.000-04:002007-03-28T13:32:00.000-04:00IMHOThis is a self-contained little vignette of a ...IMHO<BR/>This is a self-contained little vignette of a crazy relative and the "duties" of being a child. <BR/><BR/>While it reads well, {a few too many words for me} (but it's a friendly and breezy style), it doesn't seem to be the opening page of a novel. The biggest problem is that it is all about the Aunt and not about the child. <BR/><BR/>Is this loony Aunt going to be a principal character in the novel from beginning to end? Is the child going to narrate her Aunt's story? That story would be just as agonizing as listening the the Aunt's ravings about the name Eileen or Aleen, or Aileen, or "I leane dover"... AND the Aunt sounds like Betty White's crazy, foul-mouthed character who fed her husband, a couple cows, and some chickens (the legal limit) to a mutant alligator in that weird movie about Lake Placid, Maine. <BR/><BR/>I like the words and meaning of the segment, but I don't think that it's an opening the way it is written. <BR/><BR/>Perhaps it is the lack of context and I just don't "get it".Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17985158361431606939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1175098736353976392007-03-28T13:18:00.000-04:002007-03-28T13:18:00.000-04:00I liked this opening. Quirky and smoothly written...I liked this opening. Quirky and smoothly written.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1175096038480238342007-03-28T12:33:00.000-04:002007-03-28T12:33:00.000-04:00I have trouble believing that the aunt would be th...I have trouble believing that the aunt would be that daft when it comes to pronunciation. Only a small percentage of the words begin with 'E' begin with the pronunciation 'E as in Even'. I don't find it believable that a person who natively speaks English would not realize this.Reihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17005292189176596201noreply@blogger.com