tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post117337417576010608..comments2024-03-18T13:32:44.865-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 290Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-7766224673597691802007-05-22T10:52:00.000-04:002007-05-22T10:52:00.000-04:00I'd cut that first paragraph and go right to Smidl...I'd cut that first paragraph and go right to Smidly. You can always add a line at the end that says, "Set in a post-apocalyptic world of everyday magic and old technology, "Nothing" is a fantasy novel of 70,000 words."<BR/>mbAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-14256846567203087962007-05-21T20:32:00.000-04:002007-05-21T20:32:00.000-04:00If your novel is truly character driven, your quer...If your novel is truly character driven, your query should reflect that with in-depth portrayals that make the agent care about your characters. The same is true for plot, if it's plot driven. And if it's both (which I hope it is), and you can convey that convincingly and interestingly in the query, well, then you’ve got something.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-20244922522070953482007-05-21T17:20:00.000-04:002007-05-21T17:20:00.000-04:00"Nothing is also a metaphor, in this character dri..."Nothing is also a metaphor, in this character driven novel, for that emptiness people oft times feel inside his or her heart, that longing to belong to something greater and to connect to someone else."<BR/><BR/>That line really turns me off. If your story is a metaphor (and you need to tell me that), it may not have a good plot. Then to see "this character driven novel" I really start questioning the plot. The loneliness and emptiness don't tell me any more of the story, other than it is dark (which was already clear).Sylviahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05925593802209715440noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-90047155851740822572007-05-21T16:02:00.000-04:002007-05-21T16:02:00.000-04:00Would you consider calling it "The Nothing" rather...Would you consider calling it "The Nothing" rather than just "Nothing"?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-24362778122634101062007-05-21T15:06:00.000-04:002007-05-21T15:06:00.000-04:00Parts of this new one are interesting, and parts a...Parts of this new one are interesting, and parts are frustrating.<BR/><BR/>Frustrations:<BR/>"In a walled up corner, of the only surviving continent, is a land called Wilta, where our story unfolds." No comma needed after the word corner. The "story unfolds" also needs to go, in my opinion. I think I'd reconstruct this sentence, or, preferably, include this information in the first two sentences. It reads to me as though it's been "tacked on".<BR/><BR/>Dieing - should be spelled dying.<BR/><BR/>I wouldn't end with "thank you for considering "Nothing". Somehow I think (and this is just my opinion, I could very well be wrong, so if you like you sentence, you should keep it)<BR/>that put this way, this is an open invitation to rejection. <BR/><BR/>"Nothing is also a metaphor, in this character driven novel, for that emptiness people oft times feel inside his or her heart, that longing to belong to something greater and to connect to someone else." I think character-driven would be better hyphenated. I don't think you can go from the plural "people" to the "singulars" of his or her. I'm also not so fond of the use here of "oft times". I see what you mean - and I think it could be good, but it needs a very clear rewrite.<BR/><BR/>Interesting:<BR/><BR/>I was interested in what you said and the potential for a plot here.<BR/>This could be good - the "taking advantage of a silly old man's belief in fairy tales." against<BR/>"The creature is called Nothing because the only people who have ever seen it and survived, swore they saw nothing." - so the creature is real, but ephemeral, and finding a way to "find it" is part of the plot. <BR/><BR/>But then this sentence is included, and I don't know why, as it doesn't "follow" from the previous sentence: "An indestructible wight, it can <BR/>regenerate severed limbs and birth new followers from its body at will." You might even consider redoing the paragraph using some of this information FIRST, and then talking about why the creature is called Nothing.<BR/><BR/><BR/>You've described more of what's going on than in the first query- but still - I'd hang on to this one a little while and continue to rewrite for clarity and voice. (Disclaimer: I'm won no prize in the query area myself.)<BR/><BR/>Hope this helps.Robin S.https://www.blogger.com/profile/03258459688300851984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-31406023092267189102007-05-21T15:05:00.000-04:002007-05-21T15:05:00.000-04:00dear author, your new version is still vague and l...dear author, your new version is still vague and long winded. I think you need to paint in bigger strokes in terms of the arcing story, and more specific, smaller strokes in terms of plot action pushing the story forward. I have constrcuted an example of what I mean:<BR/><BR/>“Nothing” is a fantasy novel that runs 70,000 words.<BR/><BR/>Eight hundred years after the Great Calamity, the inhabitants of earth have learned to live in a reality of both everyday magic and old technology. The new world is called Kadith.<BR/><BR/>Kadith P.I., Reardon Smidly believes he’s found the easiest meal ticket in town when he’s hired to find a mythical beast. He soon discovers that the beast is anything but mythical, with its rapacious appetite and unsettling ability to regenerate severed limbs and birth new followers from its body at will.<BR/><BR/>The beast is called “Nothing” by the only people who have ever seen it and survived, swearing they saw nothing. The clues are vague, but clear enough for Smidly to uncover a disturbing secret about “Nothing”— the government of Kadith, while experimenting with their new particle collider, unleashed the beast and cannot stop it. Smidly thinks he knows how to kill, “Nothing,” but it may cost him his life.<BR/><BR/>Thank you for your time and consideration.<BR/><BR/><BR/>Cut everything else and don't get cute with things like, "it is a stand-alone novel in a serialized world."<BR/><BR/>And I wouldn't say things like, "Nothing" is a novel about emptiness and fulfillment, hope and fear." Because that indicates you were unable to "show" these attributes in your query.<BR/><BR/>Best of luckAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-78131296136448853822007-05-21T14:30:00.000-04:002007-05-21T14:30:00.000-04:00Dear Evil,Kadith is a world built upon the ashes o...Dear Evil,<BR/><BR/>Kadith is a world built upon the ashes of the Great Calamity. Now, over eight hundred years later, the inhabitants have learned to live in a reality of both everyday magic and old technology. In a walled up corner, of the only surviving continent, is a land called Wilta, where our story unfolds.<BR/><BR/>When P.I. Raerdon Smidly is hired to solve some local murders blamed on a mythical creature called Nothing, he believes he has found the easiest meal ticket in town: taking advantage of a silly old man's belief in fairy tales. <BR/><BR/> His investigation business about to fold, Smidly hopes to either make enough money to assuage the debt collectors or, if this creature really exists, make a name for himself. In the back of his mind though, he knows <BR/>things are never as cut and dry as we wish them to be.<BR/><BR/>In small town Blumooth, where Nothing lurks, blood flows like water and secrets run deeper than the local river. The silly old man is not so innocent, the creature is not so mythical, and even local heroes have blood <BR/>on their hands. If Smidly is going to solve this case, he has to decide how far he is willing to go for answers, and what is truly worth dieing for.<BR/><BR/>The creature is called Nothing because the only people who have ever seen it and survived, swore they saw nothing. An indestructible wight, it can <BR/>regenerate severed limbs and birth new followers from its body at will. <BR/><BR/>Nothing is also a metaphor, in this character driven novel, for that emptiness people oft times feel inside his or her heart, that longing to belong to something greater and to connect to someone else.<BR/><BR/>"Nothing" is a novel about emptiness and fulfillment, hope and fear. At about 70,000 words, it is a stand-alone novel in a serialized world. Please use the enclosed, SASE for your reply.<BR/><BR/>Thank you for considering “Nothing.”<BR/><BR/>Sincerely,Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1173507674253828822007-03-10T01:21:00.000-05:002007-03-10T01:21:00.000-05:00I think I have this one figured out. You see, on K...I think I have this one figured out. You see, on Kadith, pegasi routinely fly about in large flocks, but a COW -- well, that's a mythical beast. And with all the hints about blood and secrets, there's only one answer: it's a ZOMBIE COW.<BR/><BR/>Sorry, author. The zombie cow story - already been done...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1173499032179363182007-03-09T22:57:00.000-05:002007-03-09T22:57:00.000-05:00You may be thinking of Smee.You may be thinking of Smee.Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1173498781244002522007-03-09T22:53:00.000-05:002007-03-09T22:53:00.000-05:00Isn't Smidley the name of the captain's bumbling f...Isn't Smidley the name of the captain's bumbling fool in Peter Pan?Rashenbohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03495120136277921981noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1173463186777647262007-03-09T12:59:00.000-05:002007-03-09T12:59:00.000-05:00It's a shame about this GTP: "In the vast Sahara d...It's a shame about this GTP: <BR/><I>"In the vast Sahara desert, a lone philosopher sits at an oasis and ponders, and ponders, and ponders. Finally he is forced to admit: "I got nothing."</I><BR/><BR/>Because many years ago, an Arab sat thinking at an oasis and invented the zero. When he mumlbed his success, His friend asked "What?" <BR/><BR/>He answered - "oh nothing, nothing."<BR/><BR/>{an old mathematics joke, yuck, yuck, chuckle, guffaw!}Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17985158361431606939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1173459210178344372007-03-09T11:53:00.000-05:002007-03-09T11:53:00.000-05:001. Why is he hired to capture the mythical creatur...1. Why is he hired to capture the mythical creature? Is it dangerous or can it grant wishes or does it poop diamonds? Motivation needed.<BR/><BR/>2. What's up with the murderous plot? Why does it involve him? Does this have something to do with him going after the mythical creature? Or is there another sub-plot here?<BR/><BR/>3. Ummm - blood flows like water - secrets run deeper than the local river (of blood?) - are rivers all that deep? Both seem cliched to me."The silly old man is not so innocent, the creature is not so mythical, and even local heroes have blood on their hands," is supposed to clear this up but only makes me ask more questions.<BR/><BR/>4. How far is he willing to go for answers? I have no idea that he's even done anything yet. How far has he already gone? How is his life threatened? By the mythical creature? The murderous plot?<BR/><BR/>5. I get it, I get it! The mythical creature is "The Nothing" from The Neverending Story, right? Hence the title. <BR/><BR/>You very well might have a great story - you just need more of it in your query.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1173459173250709232007-03-09T11:52:00.000-05:002007-03-09T11:52:00.000-05:00Wow, GTP #2 wins the award for plot distillation. ...Wow, GTP #2 wins the award for plot distillation. It even beats out Janice Delaney's legendary query in <A HREF="http://evileditor.blogspot.com/2006/05/q-3-how-much-detail.html" REL="nofollow">Q&A #3</A>.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1173458607994094122007-03-09T11:43:00.000-05:002007-03-09T11:43:00.000-05:00I'm just stuck on it not being located on Earth. W...I'm just stuck on it not being located on Earth. Why the heck not? <BR/><BR/>It's like writing a romance and then mentioning as an afterthought that the protagonist's ex husband wasn't human. Oh, by the way . . . <BR/><BR/>I can't remember where I read it but some editor once wrote that if you hadn't ever seen ANYTHING like your novel on the shelves, you may have written something really unique . . . but more likely, you needed to go back to the drawing table.Maggie Stiefvaterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15842527558335640093noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1173455984136170022007-03-09T10:59:00.000-05:002007-03-09T10:59:00.000-05:00I think I read some chapters of GTP #5 on Critique...I think I read some chapters of GTP #5 on Critique Circle.<BR/><BR/>There's glimmers of interesting stuff in this query, such as the PI not hunting very hard for the creature, but it's not very attractive as a whole. The most interesting part is wondering how to pronounce Blumooth.nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1173455746231296422007-03-09T10:55:00.000-05:002007-03-09T10:55:00.000-05:00Not sure what I can say that is constructive. The...Not sure what I can say that is constructive. There is so little here to discuss re the substance of your book. It might be a cool and marketable story, but like EE said, no plot is showing up in this letter.<BR/><BR/>My one thought is that the name Smidly sounds like it belongs to an inept and/or smarmy fellow. Does this fit your character?<BR/><BR/>I'd be interested in seeing the revision of this letter just to see what you do with it.writtenwyrddhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02280711822302493122noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1173454437517319662007-03-09T10:33:00.000-05:002007-03-09T10:33:00.000-05:00every. single. one. of those gtp's made me lol. g...every. single. one. of those gtp's made me lol. good work, minions!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1173454099112717962007-03-09T10:28:00.000-05:002007-03-09T10:28:00.000-05:00Did you leave out a "t"??? Does he have to decid...Did you leave out a "t"??? Does he have to decide what is worth dieting for?<BR/><BR/>Evil Fiend: Awright Smidly, you got to decide what's worth dieting for. Gimme a list in two hours or you're toast.<BR/><BR/>Smidly: Two hours? No! I can't!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com