tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post116870717022304750..comments2024-03-18T13:32:44.865-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: New Beginning 189Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1168957963450674382007-01-16T09:32:00.000-05:002007-01-16T09:32:00.000-05:00If the opening and continuation were the same colo...If the opening and continuation were the same color I wouldn't have been able to tell the difference.<BR/><BR/>Hopefully the "real" story is as interesting as the continuation makes this one. -JTCAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1168919086527448322007-01-15T22:44:00.000-05:002007-01-15T22:44:00.000-05:00Great continuation!Great continuation!shaded-lilyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14006767625596152527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1168912393621331442007-01-15T20:53:00.000-05:002007-01-15T20:53:00.000-05:00Author here--Bingo, Dave. It *is* about The Book ...Author here--<BR/><BR/>Bingo, Dave. It *is* about The Book right now. This is a YA fantasy about a princess, the younger of two, who knows her eventual fate is make a dynastic marriage some day. The backstory is that after her mother's death she throws herself into her schoolwork and becomes obsessed by "The Book", a treatise on political theory along the lines of Machiavelli's "The Prince". So The Book is actually almost a character in its own right as Saraid goes off to make her foreign marriage, rigidly tries to live her life based on The Book's precepts and slowly realizes that you can't live life that way. Only much more exciting than that. I hope.<BR/><BR/>BTW, the continuation was priceless. But, um, perhaps not quite the thing for YA... <BR/><BR/>Thank you all for your comments. It's highly informative to be on this side of things.Marissa Doylehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11248406475808085694noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1168894214076388112007-01-15T15:50:00.000-05:002007-01-15T15:50:00.000-05:00Let me say a little more: a) we know she's snuck a...Let me say a little more: <BR/>a) we know she's snuck away to read<BR/>b) we know she hides the book from her sister<BR/>c) we know it's important because the author capitalized it - The Book in line two<BR/>d)We know she has multiple copies<BR/>e) we know she is studying it all the time<BR/><BR/>My mind screams for the next sentence to say something about why the book is important, why she is trying to hide. <BR/><BR/>It's all about the book and not about the sisters (right now at least). It is not about a sisterly conversation. Not the way it is written.Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17985158361431606939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1168874103287540502007-01-15T10:15:00.000-05:002007-01-15T10:15:00.000-05:00Dave - Two sisters discussing a book might be a fi...Dave - Two sisters discussing a book might be a fine way to open, especially if the sister relationship is key to the plot.<BR/>I'm guessing this is YA, and the setup works for me.<BR/>mbAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1168862989411023132007-01-15T07:09:00.000-05:002007-01-15T07:09:00.000-05:00I didn't have any trouble with this opening. It's...I didn't have any trouble with this opening. It's not a lot to go on, but it's nicely written and potentially interesting.<BR/>mbAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1168842407210825372007-01-15T01:26:00.000-05:002007-01-15T01:26:00.000-05:00All right, Writtenwyrdd! I loved the continuation....All right, Writtenwyrdd! I loved the continuation. I'd totally have kept reading <EM>that</EM>. The original, no. The dialogue doesn't sound genuine at all. It also annoys me incredibly when authors give their characters names, and then promptly ditch the names for even less catchy nicknames.HawkOwlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08506953701159624542noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1168842314596816512007-01-15T01:25:00.000-05:002007-01-15T01:25:00.000-05:00The ink will rub off from being read so much.Does ...<I>The ink will rub off from being read so much.</I><BR/><BR/>Does she read with her fingers?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1168834372578737042007-01-14T23:12:00.000-05:002007-01-14T23:12:00.000-05:00I don't see anything happening here other than sis...I don't see anything happening here other than sisters discussing a book. <BR/>That's no way to start a book.Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17985158361431606939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1168829943198789392007-01-14T21:59:00.000-05:002007-01-14T21:59:00.000-05:00I liked the name Ninieth. Saraid bugged me, thoug...I liked the name Ninieth. Saraid bugged me, though. Personal tastes, I guess.<BR/><BR/>This is a decent beginning, but the opening line needs revamping. It sounds a bit forced. The conflict over the books sounds off. How about having Saraid begin with something a bit more confrontational, such as "Is the light better in Mother's room, or is it the reading material?" And when she fishes out the book, she doesn't say anything about the # of copies her sister has (which doesn't make sense) but about why Mom's copy is so special (which is what led me to assume it had naughty etchings when I wrote the continuation.) Something needs to be special about the mother's copy. Perhaps it is the only copy?<BR/><BR/>This feels like the set up to sibling blackmail or rivalry. If I have that correct, then edit so that this is made more clear. The present writing is much more neutral, lacking in a focus for the tension. We have no sense of why Saraid's catching Ninieth with the book causes conflict/tension.<BR/><BR/>Also, the word huddled bothered me. It didn't fit the scene. Curled up, maybe; but huddled sounds like she's been beaten or something.writtenwyrddhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02280711822302493122noreply@blogger.com