tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post116414701734008531..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: New Beginning 162 (midgrade novel)Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1164259816962077432006-11-23T00:30:00.000-05:002006-11-23T00:30:00.000-05:00I probably would have liked it when I was the appr...I probably would have liked it when I was the appropriate age. Of course at that time we had to haul clay tablets home from the library, so I don't know how it will read to a modern kid.<BR/>At my current age, I'm wondering who the story will turn out to be about. So far it's about Dad and his SUV, but the last line suggests the real story lies elsewhere - so I'd turn the page, and see whether the arch tone got annoying or something happened.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1164221050434916302006-11-22T13:44:00.000-05:002006-11-22T13:44:00.000-05:00I see Sylvester's here, but where's Arnold?I see Sylvester's here, but where's Arnold?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1164211066318464762006-11-22T10:57:00.000-05:002006-11-22T10:57:00.000-05:00I liked the voice. It reminded me of Harry Potter'...I liked the voice. It reminded me of Harry Potter's aunt having a nice long neck, the easier to peer over the fence into the neighbor's yard.<BR/><BR/>I would expect the real continuation to have a huge contrast to happy shopping daddy.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1164208665737135222006-11-22T10:17:00.000-05:002006-11-22T10:17:00.000-05:00Urg! I think I just lost my long rambling comment!...Urg! I think I just lost my long rambling comment! Just as well... Here's the short version.<BR/><BR/>1. Your voice is fine, but midgraders like action. So put in a couple of zombies, who peep through a crack in the fence. No? Fine.<BR/><BR/>2. Have Sylvie do something, right in the beginning. If he climbed the fence and tripped it over in the process, you'd get a bunch of things: <BR/><BR/>Mr C is furious that his fence is ruined. Also, we see a bit of the flawed daddy character. He thinks he can, but... you get it. Also, he's got temper. <BR/><BR/>Or, if you wanna twist it around a bit, make Mrs C furious, and like... REALLY furious.<BR/><BR/>Sylvester has a broken arm/leg/whatever. And he's GROUNDED! Injury and insult, yahoo! Kids can comiserate.<BR/><BR/>Sylv is a troublemaker. Hey, he's got character, and troublemakers are likable.<BR/><BR/>You might get a chuckle from those semi-evil children, you know at the big-butt, that tripped the fence...<BR/><BR/>You know, those evil souls, editors and agents(not to mention readers) are picky. They get bored easily, and thirst for something new.<BR/><BR/>BTW, my fence suggestion is not something 'fresh' its just an example.<BR/><BR/>On the bright side, you got a perfect voice for the audience. Just make sure they're awake.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1164204297030911202006-11-22T09:04:00.000-05:002006-11-22T09:04:00.000-05:00Sorry, Author, I apologize, but I cannot think of ...Sorry, Author, I apologize, but I cannot think of anything really nice to say about this. It just lost me entirely at the picket fence. <BR/><BR/>While the writing itself is clear, I was immensely irritated by the writing because 1)it sounds fake and forced; 2) the language sounds like adult parody, not mid-grade reading; and 3) why is the author going on and on and ON about an SUV to a mid-grade audience?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1164203471992117302006-11-22T08:51:00.000-05:002006-11-22T08:51:00.000-05:00So that's what Chester the Cheetos Cheetah's off c...So that's what Chester the Cheetos Cheetah's off camera life is like. -JTCAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1164163633952435502006-11-21T21:47:00.000-05:002006-11-21T21:47:00.000-05:00Pacatrue,How could you NOT work in some referenece...Pacatrue,<BR/><BR/>How could you NOT work in some referenece to a molester?<BR/><BR/>What a jester.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1164160269866044242006-11-21T20:51:00.000-05:002006-11-21T20:51:00.000-05:00This is very well written, artificiality and all, ...This is very well written, artificiality and all, but is it a voice that will appeal to its audience? Is Mr Chester the MC or will it change to Sylvester? Will Mr Chester survive until the end of the chapter? All these questions and more will be answered...<BR/><BR/>Great continuation from ril and daisy. Pacatrue, kudos, but your continuation did my head in, as we say in Scotland,McKoalahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01457446171624585099noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1164156231727259882006-11-21T19:43:00.000-05:002006-11-21T19:43:00.000-05:00Overall, I like what the author is trying to do he...Overall, I like what the author is trying to do here. It does take a little wrapping your mind around however. The dialogue is hopelessly fake, but then that is the obvious intention. This is going to be something that people either like or don't like. And while that may seem true of all things, it is not. Most items that come through get a ho-hum reaction. I think this is one where the agent is going to roll her eyes and toss before getting to the end of the page, or she will find the over-the-top voice silly and intriguing and read on to find out if a good story goes with it. I think it will help that a mid-grade novel should be fairly short. As the Snark says, query widely.<BR/><BR/>In other news, here is the continuation I submitted when I realized our character was named Sylvester Chester.<BR/><BR/>"A lot of things were beginning to pester Sylvester. Number one was his sister Hester. Number two was a scab that had begun to fester. And even worse were the neigbors next door, Mr. and Mrs. Wester, a pair of empty-nesters. In short, The Westers, two empty-nesters, and his sister Hester pestered Sylvester Chester as his wound festered."pacatruehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04125048243775811714noreply@blogger.com