tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post115393322354350727..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: New Beginning 4Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1156603568550909602006-08-26T10:46:00.000-04:002006-08-26T10:46:00.000-04:00The briefer version, mentioned in a few comments:T...The briefer version, mentioned in a few comments:<BR/><BR/>The transporter sped above the red dirt and rocks. "Sit back down, Fenrir!" Benali shouted over the rushing wind, laughing. "Do you want to fall out?" <BR/><BR/>Fenrir always wondered how Benali kept good humor in such grim situations. He smiled at her and sank into his seat. The dome loomed on the horizon. "How much longer?" he asked. <BR/><BR/><BR/>I'm mainly interested in the dome, so it's best to get that mentioned early.Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1154019439479495802006-07-27T12:57:00.000-04:002006-07-27T12:57:00.000-04:00I'd read EE's revised version in a heartbeat, but ...I'd read EE's revised version in a heartbeat, but the original made me roll my eyes. All the smiling and laughing and standing up during the ride felt very forced. <BR/><BR/>I am intrigued by the dome, though. Is it Thunderdome? Because then I'd REALLY buy the book.Lunahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17015037227580626815noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1154010466139199692006-07-27T10:27:00.000-04:002006-07-27T10:27:00.000-04:00Quite a difference between the before and after......Quite a difference between the before and after...makes it much more readable in the revised version.<BR/><BR/>Very educational.<BR/><BR/>~NancyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1153973667183545062006-07-27T00:14:00.000-04:002006-07-27T00:14:00.000-04:00The amount of description in sci-fi can be debatab...The amount of description in sci-fi can be debatable. I say, only give vivid descriptions if you have something brand new to say. Levitation and red rocks and a dome? Not new, so use them as the reliable props they are, but don't focus on them too much. <BR/><BR/>EE really captures the action, adds a bit of uncertainty. But the emotional tone is still unclear to me. Is it anticipation? Dread?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1153937390547530582006-07-26T14:09:00.000-04:002006-07-26T14:09:00.000-04:00The new version is very tight. Author, you should ...The new version is very tight. Author, you should apply this approach to the rest of the book.<BR/><BR/>The only question is, after you have stripped out all of the wordiness and filler, will anyone want to buy a novel that is only 15,000 words long?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1153936003069365912006-07-26T13:46:00.000-04:002006-07-26T13:46:00.000-04:00Would it be possible to start off with a descripti...Would it be possible to start off with a description and purpose of the dome? Then, the author could go back to the journey to the dome on the transporter. Also, I would like a vivid description of the transporter. It helps the movie in my head as I read the story. -JTCAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1153935452199109002006-07-26T13:37:00.000-04:002006-07-26T13:37:00.000-04:00Exactly. You don't open a book by showing us how ...Exactly. You don't open a book by showing us how lovely your descriptive prose is. You should immediately tell us why we would want to read any further.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1153933434099151032006-07-26T13:03:00.000-04:002006-07-26T13:03:00.000-04:00Now, see, I think this is brilliant! The revision...Now, see, I think this is brilliant! The revision maintains the spirit of the original but is so much tighter and more vivid. Already I love these first page revisions!!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com