Sunday Feature 11

First the writing exercise results, which consist of one last Halloween story, and then a remake of a Halloween film from . . . The Vault!


I wish I had the courage to kill you, my darling. Oh, to have the strength to give you what you ask! Alas, my beloved EE, I am weak. You cannot imagine how it pained me to remove your feet. Surely, you understand the sacrifices we must make for our love!

It all started so beautifully, did it not my darling? That glorious day when at long last you chose me! I hardly believed it myself. Oh how you teased me, renaming my characters and asking your silly questions. How did you know the pleasure I would receive, seeing your words in blue intertwined with mine?

So why, oh why EE did it have to end?

Did my novelty wear off after only one day?! Did you think I wouldn’t notice you had moved on to another? Did you think I wouldn’t recognize your words in blue?

I recognized you, EE. I recognized you because you belong to me.

I do not blame you for straying, my darling. You’re just an editor, after all, easily swayed by proper grammar and strict adherence to word counts. I forgive you your frailties.

But I see now that I have to protect you and our love from these seductive, literary succubi who covet your blue words for themselves.

Please do not cry, my sweet EE. You shall not miss your hands for long!

Just as you gave yourself to me, I shall become you. I will sacrifice my own identity to assume yours, my beloved EE, as a testament to our devotion to each other. I will advise these usurpers of our love with your own beautiful, blue words. Oh darling, how it will pain me to mingle my words with theirs. But love is pain EE, as you well know.

-- H.E. Ellis

Saturday Film Series

New Beginning 800!

Professor Rupert Bingham was frequently inclined to spend Sunday afternoon locked inside his study, pouring over his notes in preparation for the coming week. Sunday, being the church-mandated day of rest, his assistant normally had the afternoon off and the Professor often found himself completely alone with his thoughts. Today was no different, save that a package had arrived from the Marchioness Durrenbach, and Professor Bingham was eager to discover its contents. He had been patient all morning, attending church services, as was required of a gentleman of good standing, and had politely suffered through an excruciating tea with his fussy neighbor, Mrs. Firth. Now he was finally at leisure to unwrap the mysterious package and learn what secrets were contained within.

Carefully, he untied the twine binding the parcel and peeled back the brown paper wrapping. Inside was a good-sized, square wooden box with a hinged lid—newly made, so it must not have accompanied the original artifact from Turkey. Raising the lid, Professor Bingham gazed with interest at the curious object nestled inside.

But where to look, where to focus, with his Turkey-conscious professorly eyes? The crude terracotta bowl? Or the custard, unspilled, within? Or the neat circle of cling wrap sealing custard from atmosphere, mystery from evident custardiness, so thin he could pop it with one of his wayward nostril hairs and suck, suck, suck till every last one of his Academia-honed Sensibilities vs Personal-Lust-For-Antique-Middle-Eastern-Custard dilemmas was resolved in favour of custard, then caution, then custard, then caution, then custard, then thenthenthenthenthen, over and over and over again, till he could take it no more, NO MORE!

Instinctively, he shot himself.


Opening: Joie.....Continuation: Whirlochre

Cartoon 763

Caption: Whirlochre

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New Beginning 799

Summoned by email, I attended. Tim the Tinker's studio had that smell one finds in anterooms of hell. The sulfurous vapors, the sweaty stench of smelted metal, the pungent smoke of undying coals, the doorbell that chimed the Anvil Chorus and the phone that rang the Descent to Nibelheim from Das Rheingold. I should have demanded trumpets announcing the path to Valhalla, the Rainbow bridge that leads into the skies above.

The big man stood at the anvil, back to me, bare to the waist except for his leather apron, his muscled back and heavy triceps flexing with each stroke of the hammer.

"Don't look. You'll spoil the surprise." He spoke over his shoulder and returned the metal to the fire, waited a few seconds and struck it again. I picked up a longsword with a fine double fuller blade and gave it a few swings. I always tested Tim's swords.

"It's not like I haven't seen you beating off before," I said, annoyed at his back.

He opened his mouth, but all I heard was "Jawohl, Herr Hauptmann!" from Wozzeck. It was his cell phone this time, with a ringtone that stunk even worse than Das Rheingold.

After listening a moment he cried, "What? Your tiny hand is frozen?" Covering the phone with his hand he whispered to me, "A single secret tear from her eye did spring." Back to his caller he went on, "Sweet name, you who made my heart... yes, yes, sweet daughter of love... one fine day we will see... now farewell, without resentment." He closed the phone and grinned at me. "Women are fickle!"

I swung the sword and lopped off his head. He should have known by now that if there's anything I can't stand, it's opera in English.


Opening: Dave F......Continuation: Paul Penna

Cartoon 762

Caption: Evil Editor

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Face-Lift 835

Guess the Plot

Invisible Romeo

1. Mercutio scores an invisibility potion on the tough streets of Verona. He offers the concoction to Romeo so he can sneak into the Capulet home undetected. Once inside, he learns secrets that could finally bring down the family enemy; however this would mean betraying Juliet.

2. Carmen has finally met the boy of her dreams. As it happens, he's invisible. Also, a vampire. When Carmen gets trapped in a school fire, she fears no one can save her . . . unless . . . can a vampire go out in the daytime if he's invisible?

3. In the two years since her failed suicide attempt, Julia has put her life back on track. When she finds love in a new boy, her last boyfriend--the successful side of the suicide pact--comes back to haunt her and make her his forever.

4. Fiona is lonely and miserable at the dorms her freshman year. With no friends or family, she's stuck there over Christmas vacation. Making things worse, the dorms are supposed to be haunted by the ghost of a student who hung himself in the lobby. Fiona doesn't believe it...until the strange love letters start appearing on her pillows.

5. Romeo seems like Juliet's dream come true. He's handsome, charming, and he calls her "my precious." But at the wedding ceremony, he slips the Ring onto his own finger instead of hers, and suddenly Juliet is facing an . . . Invisible Romeo.

6. Anna's ability to time travel lands her in Shakespeare's home town and she begins to manipulate the writing of Romeo and Juliet. Soon Juliet is the antagonist and hates Romeo so much that he's considered "invisible".



Original Version

Carmen is an ordinary girl living your average everyday life...[My average everyday life? Lemme give you an idea of my average everyday day:

8 AM -- 5 PM: Playing basketball with balled-up query letters, putting up with Mrs. V's crap and burning manuscripts.

5:30 -- 5:35: Arrive home, inhale a few breaths from a tank containing pure oxygen mixed with the scent of cotton candy.

5:35 -- 6:00: Strip naked and work out on the balance beam.

6:00 -- 7:30: Continue long-term project of digging a secret tunnel under my house, connecting the lounge to the conservatory.

7:30 -- 8:00: Wheel of Fortune.

8:00 -- 9:00: Phone calls to Bruce Willis, Snoop Dogg, Tiger Woods and Lady Gaga to give them advice.

9:00 -- 10:00: Mud wrestling with my pet anaconda.

10:00 -- Bedtime: 8 pints of Cherry Garcia.]

that is until she meets the boy of her dreams. Mychel is a vampire--an invisible vampire--[The only time you can see him is when he's standing in front of a mirror.] and has been tormented for the past two centuries by a crazy stalker named Muriah who is of the same species. [And believe me, stalking someone who's invisible ain't easy.] One day Mychel crosses paths with Carmen, nearly running into her and exposing his existence. [I can't tell if he exposed himself or nearly exposed himself.] After that one day, a fascination grows within him about this small but seemingly strong girl. Muriah isn't too happy about this though, in fact she is outright appalled that the guy she is convinced will marry him [Marry him? Who's him?] is making googly eyes at a human. Per usual routine, Muriah tries to black male and brown nose Mychel into marrying her, [Unless that's a clever way of saying she gets Mike Tyson to force him to marry her, you mean "blackmail." And get rid of the brown-nose part, as the rest of this sentence doesn't describe anything related to brown-nosing.] by threatening the life of the girl he seems smitten with--Carmen. Eventually, Carmen finds out about Mychel and Muriah, and Muriah's worrisome antics become more persistent [Is threatening the life of the girl Mychel is smitten with a "worrisome antic"?] as she fruitlessly tries to persuade Mychel.

Then one day, while Carmen is at school, her worst fear is realized, she is trapped in a burning building with no way out. Being a hopeless [incurable?] Pyrophobiac [Why is that capitalized?] trapped in a chem lab fire, she begins to worry [believes] that it's all over and that since it is daytime, Mychel won't be able to do anything to save her. [Then she realizes that all chem labs are well-stocked with fire extinguishers and have sprinkler systems, and that the fire department is just up the road.] From his home, Mychel sees the smoke at the school and recognizes the area immediately. [That's . . . the chem lab! And Carmen has chemistry third period!] Fearing for Carmen's safety and unconcerned of [for] himself, he races to the school to search for her. Little does he know that this is Muriah's doing and Carmen won't be safe until he agrees to marry her.

Invisible Romeo is a 10,719 word, unfinished fantasy novel. [Apparently you ran into a case of writer's block and decided to work on your query letter while waiting for inspiration to strike? Not the worst idea--if this plot description covers what will eventually be the entire book--but if it covers only the 10,000 words you've written so far, that's not good, as the query should summarize a larger portion of the book.]


Notes

A 200+ year-old guy smitten with a high school girl? Shall we assume he was 17 when he became a vampire, and that he hasn't aged physically or emotionally since then, or shall we just go, "Ewwwwwww"?

I guess it doesn't matter if he looks like an old man, as he's invisible. But I don't understand what Carmen sees in him. Ba dum ching.

It's not clear why Carmen is thinking Mychel won't be able to do anything to save me, when there's been no mention that they have any sort of relationship. She should be wondering if her chemistry teacher will save her, not some guy she barely knows and who isn't in the school. All we know is that she recently found out that he exists. It's also not clear why Mike is smitten when his only contact with Carmen was almost running into her. Does he follow her around? If so, Muriah isn't the only stalker in the book.

Cartoon 761

Caption: Stacy

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Running on Empty

We have zero openings and one query remaining to be critiqued. Remember, openings can be from novels, short stories or chapters (in the case of chapters, it should be a chapter that requires no knowledge of what went on in earlier chapters, as when a new set of characters are being introduced).

If this notice spurs some people to finally submit their work, the rest of you might keep in mind that we'll quickly need fake plots and continuations.

New Beginning 798

Rosaluna Lauritchild scanned the vampire's eyes. When she finished she rose to look out a window, ran a finger across the spines of some books; a satisfying feeling of magic emanated from them.

"You show all the signs of feeding on animals, not people: the bruising on your eyes is the worst I've ever seen. Your gums are cracked and blistered. You show all the signs."

She mentally scanned the incense-hung room: bells, jars, candles, and magical paraphernalia were scattered about in their proper places. In one corner there was a large table at which her bodyguard sat. Another, smaller table sat near the window, and it was at one the vampire sat.

Bookshelves lined the free space of the walls. Leather bound tomes filled them to overflowing. The floor was stone. Dampness still showed where the last magical circle had been washed off.

Dominating the room was Rosaluna's chair. From it she could gaze into any one of a half dozen magic mirrors. To its right was a brass tripod on which rested a bronze head which spoke prophetically when the proper spell was cast.

"But you couldn't be as old as you claim to be without having fed on humans at some point. I suggest you explain when you did."

The vampire looked from the magician to Erikka. She was a barbarian, clad in shapely furs, seated at the larger table. Like Rosaluna, she had long reddish hair, though with less copper to it. Surprisingly small-framed, she still wielded a large double-blade axe with ease.

The vampire tried to smile at the barbarian, which is a useless gesture for a vampire at the best of times. Naturally, he received no grin in return.

"I...I've only killed those who tried to kill me. Them and cutpurses or assassins. I do the city a service, really."

"Cutpurses and assassins..." Rosaluna repeated.

"And beggars," the vampire said. "The guy outside the bank who always hustled for change. And the guy inside the bank who gave me shit for filling out the form wrong. And that bitch with the attitude at the DMV. Oh, and there was that suit who thought he could push in front of me at the bus queue. And those two punks who made fun of my clothes and the clerk at Burger King who said I couldn't get breakfast one minute after eleven. Not that I was really that hungry. In fact--"

"Enough," Rosaluna said. "I've heard enough. You're hired!"

Opening: D Jason Cooper.....Continuation: Anon.

Cartoon 760

Caption: Anon.

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Face-Lift 834

Guess the Plot

Steamsteel

1. 1852. Lord Byron has come back from the grave as a vampire in Vienna. Can 14-year-old Franz perfect his steam-powered stake-throwing machine-gun in time to save the city?

2. When America entered WWI on the side of Germany, victory was assured. But not everyone is happy with the Kaiser. Neville Snodgrass, meek bookkeeper from London, is visiting Berlin for holiday. But instead of heading for the cabarets, by order of the King he's off to the beer halls, looking for some rabblerouser named Hitler.

3. William Collier works in London designing the large suits of steam powered armour known as Steamsteel. With Steamsteel manufacturers across England turning up murdered, the mysterious Inspector Boyle offers to hide William from the spies thought to be responsible. But is it spies . . . or vampires?

4. Liza feels trapped on Clay Island, so she and her brother Gus fly off in Gus's airship, The Gull. Unfortunately, Gus built the airship from steamsteel, a metal that gets violently hot when exposed to water, so . . . Whoa, are those rain clouds up ahead?

5. Matt Hemstead's future at his uncle's used car dealership seems guaranteed when he comes up with the term Steamsteel to describe 15-year-old rustbuckets . . . until he falls for sexy investigative reporter Madison Smart.

6. He took a wrong turn somewhere outside Fargo. And now Todd Jones is a prisoner of a madman who needs assistance in the diabolical effort to invent a new metal from water. Will Todd perish in this cellar? Or will he find a way to escape out the window with the help of Tina, the madman's beautiful daughter?



Original Version

I am seeking representation for Steamsteel, a young adult steampunk novel complete at 57,000 words. I come to you due to your experience with young adult author representation.

Liza Johnson feels trapped in her home on Clay Island, surrounded by the clouds. When her brother Gus shows blueprints to build an airship, she seizes the opportunity to leave her world of chauvinism and bureaucracy behind. What is the price of her decision, though? [No need to ask if you aren't going to answer.]

Steamsteel is the story of Liza Johnson, the caretaker of her family fortune. Her socially awkward brother Gus is the true heir, but Clay Island's Supreme Judge could rule him mentally unfit to receive the inheritance. Liza would receive the fortune unless she married, at which point her groom would own the estate. This means suitors are lined up at her door, trying to convince Liza to marry to "protect her family's wealth". [If the wealth goes to Gus if he's not unfit, and to Liza if Gus is unfit, how is the wealth in danger if Liza doesn't marry?]

Gus shares a set of blueprints with Liza, blueprints of a flying machine that makes use of steamsteel, an unusual metal that violently heats up when exposed to water. [The maiden flight was going great until it started raining and all the passengers were roasted alive.] Liza sees in the airship the opportunity for her and Gus to leave Clay Island, and all of the other inhabited islands in the clouds, behind in search of a new home. She hires a crew of people who won't be missed [Homeless guys and murderers.] and begins building The Gull. Among her crew is Fizz, a security guard who belongs to a race of people who live in the clouds that separate the islands. Oh, there's also a spy.

The crew take off as the Supreme Judge invades the estate [to demand that Liza marry him]. Knowing they'd be treated as criminals on any other island, they sail to Laurel Island, whose anti-technology Church severed all ties with the rest of society. There, they are tasked with finding mythical Harlan Island by the Archbishop of the Church. Liza, now the unwilling escort of the Archbishop and his mistrusting bodyguard, plots a course for the possible birthplace of their civilization. She instead encounters new threats and a secret that will shift the balance of power among the islands. [This is like a new plot. We're through with Clay Island, so we'll move to Laurel Island and stuff will happen there, and then we'll move to the birthplace of civilization and see what happens there. It's the format of a synopsis, but the brevity of the synopsis in a query letter makes that format sound like just a list of things that happen. We need to find the thread that holds everything together. Were they chased to Laurel Island by the authorities on Clay Island? If not, perhaps we should minimize Clay's role in the query, including the details about the family fortune and suitors: Disgusted with the chauvinism and bureaucracy of Clay Island, Liza Johnson and her brother Gus build an airship and fly off to seek a new home. That pretty much sums up three fourths of the query, leaving plenty of room to cover important points like Do they discover that every island has its problems, and realize that if they find the birthplace of civilization they can get to the bottom of how society went wrong and lead an army back to conquer Clay Island? Is Liza's goal throughout the book just to find a home she likes? If not, what does she ultimately want, and what's her plan to achieve it?]

Steamsteel is the first book in a trilogy, of which the other two volumes have been roughly outlined. Thank you for your consideration.

May I send you the manuscript?

Sincerely,

Notes

Are the islands floating above a planet or in outer space or what?

There's no need to tell us that among the crew of The Gull is Fizz, unless you're going to tell us what vital role he will play in the story. For instance does his power to carbonate liquids save the day over and over?

We don't know enough about the balance of power among the islands to appreciate how a shift in that balance would affect anyone.

Cartoon 759

Caption: Anon.

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Sunday Feature 10

No new Halloween stories came in this week, so here, for your viewing and spewing pleasure, are four frightening films from . . . The Vault!

Saturday Film Series

New Beginning 797

"Tell me you're kidding."

"No, Mr President. First contact has occurred and they've landed in Andorra."

The President put out his hand for the papers Don Carlos was carrying.

"That little space between France and Spain that on a map looks like the rectum of Europe? That Andorra?"

"I wouldn't put it like that in an election year, Sir. No reason to offend minorities in an election year."

"Don, how many immigrants from Andorra do we have?"

"They tend to band together."

The phone buzzed. The President put it on speaker but didn't manage to get a greeting out.

"Can you fucking believe this? Andorra. God-damn, they're about four mountains where Frogs and Spics crossbreed with their God-damn sisters. How are we going to handle this?"

"By that, Jim, I take it you mean how will I handle it and can you tag along?"

"Tag team? Yes, good idea, Mr. President. Think about it. Andorran sisters!"

"Dammit, Jim, do you always think with your dick? How are we gonna handle first contact?"

The phone was silent as Jim considered the question. "I suppose we could buy them a couple drinks and try the old lint on the sleeve trick."


Opening: D Jason Cooper.....Continuation: anon.

Cartoon 758

Caption: Anon.

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Synopsis 26

Trapped in the Masquerade-Synopsis:

How much trouble can a seventeen-year-old girl get into on her birthday that happens to land on Halloween with two friends? [If you must cram this much into the first sentence, at least put the two friends after "into."] When the seventeen-year-old girl is Abby Clary, a witch from birth, but blinded and left powerless from [by] her mother's spell, trouble seems to find her everywhere. [Too much info in these two sentences. I recommend keeping it simple: How much trouble can a seventeen-year-old girl get into on her birthday? When the girl is a witch, and her birthday falls on Halloween, trouble seems limitless.] [That said, I expect a synopsis that opens: "How much trouble can a seventeen-year-old girl get into..." to be describing a light story, if not a comedy. And having looked ahead and become convinced this is not the case, I'd drop the whole first paragraph. A synopsis doesn't need an intro paragraph; it's fine to jump right into the plot.]

Abby gate-crashes Emerson Academy's annual Halloween ball, [Didn't you say a spell had made her blind? Why would... Wait, I get it; she's blind, so she crashes into the gate.] and almost immediately regrets it when she is taken [abducted] by a horde of evil vampires known to the magical world as Callum's Guard; a group so evil that she is intended for their Master, Callum, to become his subservient lover. [When you say "a group so evil that..." we expect an example of what they have done, not what they're planning. A group so evil they kill kittens with chainsaws for entertainment.] But what stands in Callum's way is the dark-haired, handsome Thomas who has secretly known Abby since 1273; [Is Thomas in Callum's Guard?] though, Abby has no clue. [Having said "secretly," you can do without "Abby has no clue."] [So does Abby think she's been on Earth seventeen years, or does she know she's been around for centuries?] Thomas gives her a way to escape Callum's Guard and Callum himself.

After Abby escapes, she makes her way to her mother and grandmother where she comes across a magical garden, and learns of a [centuries-old] prophecy [foretelling that she would . . . what?] given about her centuries ago. Abby also finds out that she and Thomas are supposedly [were once] lovers, though she is determined to fight it. However, Linley, a distant relative of Abby's has her own plans, and she forces Abby to travel back to 1273 to meet Thomas as human and not a vampire. Before she knows it, she falls in love with Thomas even though she tried not to.

But then, [Back then] Abby had life threatening troubles in her time to work through. She tries to save her friends, she tries save her family, tries to fight her feelings for Thomas, and she is running out of time before her mother's spell kills her. [What are the terms of this spell? When did her mother cast this spell? All you've said is it made her blinded and powerless, nothing about killing her.]

After Abby comes back from 1273 for the last time, she is faced with certain death of [from] her mother's spell. Feeling defeated, as well as believing that nothing matters at this point because she is dead no matter what, Abby runs off with two friends. Callum magically visits Abby, which hastens the effects of her mother's spell. But Abby's mother, grandmother, and friends go to her to attempt to remove the spell. The attempt fails, so Abby's mother decides that Abby has to be moved. [You've made it sound like the mother is a villain. Why did she cast a spell that kills her daughter in the first place?] En route to moving Abby [As Abby is being transported] to safety, Callum's Guard causes a fatal accident [attacks]. Abby's mother is killed saving Abby, and her death lifts the spell. Abby is full of grief, but knows that only the spell problem was resolved [her troubles are only beginning] because Callum is still after [her.] Abby and Abby still has to come to terms with her newly found magical powers.

When Abby confronts Thomas and tells him that she chooses him and that she is in love with him, Thomas redeclares his love for her. Thomas chooses Abby. [The end? Callum is still after her. The query didn't say this was to be continued.]


Notes

There are too many awkwardly worded phrases, too much that isn't clear. The reader is going to assume the book has the same problems. Which means you not only need to fix the synopsis, you need to make sure the book doesn't have the same problems.

Cartoon 757

Caption: Marissa Doyle

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Face-Lift 833

Guess the Plot

Trapped in the Masquerade

1. Bad enough it's sweltering inside his bear costume, but then the Earl of Kent steps into an actual bear trap set by Lord Hughes, who's attending the queen's masquerade ball dressed as an 18th-century American trapper.

2. Ingrid Orlov finds it increasingly difficult to step into the fat suit that makes her look like a 700 pound blob. Not because it no longer fits, but because of her crush on Ted, the cotton candy guy. She'd like him to know she's really a 36-24-36 gymnast, but evil taskmaster Frank Birnbaum will fire her if she leaves her trailer without the jumbo disguise.

3. Abby Clary has no idea when she crashes a Halloween masquerade ball that she'll develop magical powers that allow her to magically transport to the year 1273. Now if she could only figure out why anyone would want to transport to the year 1273.

4. Janet Nash lives a lie. Everyone thinks she's a 52-year-old housewife, but she's actually a 27-year-old Russian spy with orders to infiltrate the garden club and acquire seeds of Professor Grimsby's genetically altered rubber tree -- because it might thrive in Siberia.

5. Michael wants to be one of the glamorous fashion designers he loves, so when Satan offers him a fashion line of his own for his soul, he jumps at the chance. He never thought Satan would stick him with a line of plus-size clothes for a cheap catalog catering to trailer park clientele. Is there any way to cut the thread?

6. Halloween pirate Sidney Inkleby embellishes his nose and chin with putty, adds a few fake tattoos and a gold earring and rents one of the most fabulous costumes ever created by Madame Zelda, the devious sorceress of Springfield, who, unbeknownst to Sidney, casts a spell on him. When he steps out the front door, he won't be able to find the car -- because he'll be lost in 1748 Cuba.

Original Version

Dear Agent:

“Lovely?” I laughed out hysterically. “This isn’t lovely; this is far from even being nice. Holding me hostage, keeping me locked away in a tiny, windowless room isn’t entertaining. Being smacked around isn’t hysterically funny. [Not sure I can buy that one, as you were laughing hysterically three sentences ago.] Nearly becoming dinner a couple of times isn’t much fun either. Being stalked by a nameless skeezy idiot who thinks he’s god who thinks I’m ‘the one’ is far from being fabulous.” [First of all, we have no context for this speech. Apparently someone has just said to someone else, "Are you enjoying your lovely, nice, entertaining, hysterically funny, fun, fabulous stay in my closet?" but we don't know who either of them is, so all we know is someone's ranting to a bad person. Secondly, this is no way to open a business letter. The safest bets are to start with your purpose (I am seeking representation for...) or start with your title (Trapped in the Masquerade is a...) or start with your main character (Tammy Charles doesn't know what she's getting into when she enters the haunted hotel...).] He laughed a deep cold laugh. It seemed that he didn’t get the hint. “I love your spirit.” [These last sentences should be a separate paragraph, as we don't normally have two different people speaking in one paragraph.] [Of course, as we also don't normally open with an excerpt from the middle of the book, you'll be deleting everything up to this point.]

In a masquerade, nothing is as it seems, [Actually, I went to a masquerade once where everyone seemed to be a normal person wearing a mask, and it turned out they were all what they seemed.] [Well, except the kangaroo. It turned out to be a real kangaroo.] and Abby doesn’t know what is real, what is a dream and what is real [You already said real.] or magic, and who she can truly trust and who wants her dead until all masks are removed [, at which point she can come back to life]. [You're hitting us with too much vague information about someone we know nothing about. Drop that and start with the next sentence.] Trapped in the Masquerade (89,754 words) is a supernatural tale that explores the idea of destiny versus free will in an action-packed young adult fantasy novel. Abigail Clary’s seemingly sheltered but normal life comes to an end [I suspect most readers will take this to mean she dies. Also, "seemingly sheltered but normal" is not a good description. It's vague, and it implies that a seemingly sheltered life is rarely normal, when in fact the two adjectives don't have much connection, and there's no point in telling us her life seems sheltered if it isn't sheltered. I'm guessing her life, up to now, has been sheltered. I'd go with something like: Abigail Clary’s sheltered life takes a bizarre turn...] when she crashes Emerson Academy’s annual Halloween masquerade ball. The macabre outcomes from [events of] that night expose Abby to a magical garden, prophecies, and an unforgettable means of traveling through time. Abby tries to figure out who she truly is as she attempts to navigate [navigates] through a “cosmic pretzel” that interconnects Abby’s present time to 1273. As she explores her newly found magical powers, she finds herself in the middle of an unstoppable spell that means life or her death.

A novel is like a new pair of shoes; [it's hard to sell if it's too big or too small or too boring or if it has no "sole" so] you should fully try it out to see if the story is a good fit for you. [Fully try it out? Where do you buy your shoes?] I will be able to send the entire manuscript of Trapped in the Masquerade attached in an email on the day of your request or through the mail within five days [(I have a really slow printer)]. I sincerely hope you enjoy the story. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Notes

This is way too vague. All we know about the plot is that Abby crashes Emerson Academy’s annual Halloween masquerade ball and apparently gains the magical power to go back in time to 1273. Trying to find out who she truly is means nothing to us. Finding herself in an unstoppable spell that could mean life or death could mean anything.

Start over. Dump the first and last paragraphs. Your first plot sentence can be: Abigail Clary’s sheltered life takes an unexpected turn when she crashes Emerson Academy’s annual Halloween masquerade ball. After that tell us what happens at the ball, focusing on the part where she develops magical powers. Then give us something about the significance of 1273, who the bad guy is, and what the bad guy wants from Abby. And conclude with the decision she must make that explores the idea of destiny versus free will.

Cartoon 756

Caption: Anon.

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New Beginning 796

I can’t have been asleep for more than an hour, maybe two, when my bedroom door swings open with a long, shivering groan. I ignore it—the door never latches right in winter, and our apartment is draftier than a frilly skirt on a windy day.

But then there’s a touch on my foot, the barest hint of pressure on the duvet, and I am instantly, fully, awake.

“We’ve got company, Cupcake,” a voice says from the chair beside my bed.

“Thank you, Captain Obvious. Why did you let it in?”

“Last I checked, I wasn’t a doorman,” he says.

Still soundless, the thing continues its path around my bed, moving ever closer to where my head is resting on the pillow. I tuck my chin to my chest, shifting so the blankets cover most of my face, just in case. Ghosts won’t try to get physical, usually, not if my oh-so-helpful partner Zeke is around. But it never hurts to be cautious.

“Gross,” Zeke says, and even though I know better I open my eyes.

I relax. It's not a ghost after all. But Zack is still tense.

"For craps sake," he says. "You know I don't mind you writing that stuff, Honey. And I have no issue with you spending hours online every day with your research. And I never once complained when you invited him to stay here for a few days, even when the few days turned into a few months. But damn it, Cupcake, does he have to keep coming in here half naked and 'hanging out' on our bed?"

Evil Editor clears his throat, scratches himself, and tucks his balls back into his shorts.


Opening: Mary Miltner.....Continuation: Anon.

Cartoon 755

Caption: Anon.

Your caption on the next cartoon! Link in sidebar.

New Beginning 795

The afternoon was colder than normal, but the sun helped shield my body from the icy nip. Rachel was still at work, which meant I was the one who had to rake the leaves. The wind picked up a little, so I raked faster, so my leaf piles wouldn’t blow away. I bent down to stuff the leaves in a brown biodegradable bag. The wind suddenly stopped like someone flipped a switch. I looked up, and my breath caught as I stared at the most beautiful man I have ever seen leaning casually against the birch tree in front of me.

The beautiful man pushed himself off the tree and came sauntering towards me with a long stride. I stood up to run, but my legs refused to work. He stopped an inch from me, breathing steadily. His face was so beautiful that it could have inspired works of the great masters and driven unfathomable fear into those painters simultaneously. His pallid skin wrinkled around the edges of his full lips, the right side of his mouth moving a little more upwards than to the left as a frighteningly beautiful smile spread across the perfect face.

As his eyes met mine I realized belatedly that his incredibly beautiful irises were green, and not the green of a summer birch leaf, but the green that might have caused the wreck of the Titanic if the captain had looked into the eyes of a woman whose irises were that same color of green at the same time his ship was approaching the iceberg. His gorgeous pupils were slightly dilated, and as black as a raven eating licorice at midnight. His scary but freakishly ravishing corneas were like clear lenses through which beauty was amplified to the nth degree.

Finally, I could take it no longer. I said to him, "You, know, I could describe more than just the parts of your eyes if you had stopped a little more than one inch from me."


Opening: Monika Pardon.....Continuation: Evil Editor

Cartoon 754

Caption: Anon.

Your caption on the next cartoon! Link in sidebar.

Sunday Feature 9

Two Sundays ago I requested scary stories for October. Here are the first two to come in. You still have till Halloween to get them in, and as in past years, you may submit oral versions rather than written if you wish.



1.

"Darling, someone's in the house. I heard a noise from the bathroom." Sheila the she-ghost sat up, her nightgown shimmering.

"Yes dear. It's EE. He's the new owner. He bought the house," Howard the he-ghost mumbled and rolled over, yanking all the blankets over his shoulders. A Springer Spaniel scratched at the door to the room and whined.

"He's got a dog in our house! Doesn't he know I'm allergic to dog hair?"

"We're haunting him, remember? It was your coven's idea." Howard sighed into the pillow and smacked his lips. It wasn't morning breath yet but it was getting there. Sheila, determined to have her husband do his husbandly duty, pulled the blanket off and smacked his bare butt. Gossamer waves of cold mist spread across the room. "Get out there. Are you a man or a mouse?"

"Woooooooo..." He reached and thumped the floor like a heartbeat.

"Eeeeeeeeeee..." Her moans floated through the house.

Belches, groans and nether-region noises echoed from the tile walls. A nearly living vaporous emission capable of bug control and EPA sanction spread from the bathroom door across the master bedroom. The ethereal waves of psychic energy turned green, quivered and evaporated. Shiela's moans turned into gags. Howard rolled off the bed in one thump.

"This is the man you wanted to publish your book?" Spectral tears glimmered as they rolled down Sheila's cheeks.

"That was the blog talk." Howard blew out a cloud of frothy plasma. It freshened the air and created a cold room for them to materialize. EE unleashed another series of belches, groans and nether-region noises. Sheila and Howard fled through the window toward a beam of starlight from Polaris.

EE stood alone in his house. "I refuse to be haunted by rejected writers. All it takes is a hearty meal of asparagus, garlic, three bean salad and hummus and the ghosts leave."

--Dave F.


2.

When the moon grows cold and the night winds blow
And the ghosts of those who met his gaze
Bemoan their cruel fates with tears of sorrow
Now is time the for great fear of New York to wander free
And save the life of an innocent tree

They cry out in fear and horror
Their lives ruined, their dreams ablaze
With fire from his eyes a constant terror
They leap from buildings, bridges, or flee
For they have queried
The mighty EE.

--Khazar-khum

Book Chat 31

Book Chat 31 Jesse Petersen/Married with Zombies

Jesse Petersen said...I'm here! Hi everyone!

Evil Editor said...Hi Jesse. Thanks for coming. Don't say anything important, as some people aren't here yet.

Jesse Petersen said...LOL, I may not say anything important at all. ;)

Evil Editor said...So, Jesse, I understand you were (are?) a historical romance writer. Was it hard convincing your agent to try to sell your zombie apocalypse novel?

Jesse Petersen said...Absoutely not! My agent LOVES fantasy and I think she about came out of her chair when I said I was writing a zombie comedy to amuse myself. She was very encouraging. She's a great agent, though. She says her biggest benefit is that she gets to read all my stuff first since she's a fan, too. So she rocks.

Evil Editor said...
Jesse: I wanna try something new. Branch out.
Agent: Whattaya got in mind?
Jesse: Zombies.
Agent: No, seriously, whattaya got in mind?

Dave F. said...Zombies, what fun. I'm warning you guys, I'm from the area where George Romero filmed the original Night of the Living Dead.

stacy said...Yeah, this was a fun novel.

Jesse Petersen said...Dave F, lucky you! I'm hoping to meet him during ZomBcon next week! And Stacy, I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

ril said...So, uh, why Zombies...?

Jesse Petersen said...ril, I honestly did just write the book to entertain myself. I had a really strong scene in my head where Dave and Sarah go to their therapist's office only to discover she's been zombie-fied and have to kill her. It made me laugh and so I kept writing it. And writing it. And about 2/3 of the way through I started to believe my agent when she said she thought she could sell it. LOL

sylvia said...Your agent sounds great. So encouraging !

Phoenix said...Now I have to know: Who is your amazing agent, Jesse?

Jesse Petersen said...Phoenix, my kick-ass agent is Miriam Kriss of the Irene Goodman Literary Agency. I adore her. I'm very lucky to have her, for sure.

stacy said...I understand there's going to be a sequel?

Jesse Petersen said...Stacy -- at this point there are three books in the series! FLIP THIS ZOMBIE comes out January 1. And EAT SLAY LOVE is out June 1, 2011! In FLIP, Sarah and Dave start their zombie extermination business. And in ESL, they have to, you know, maybe save the world with the help of a coked up rocker and a former TMZ type tabloid reporter...

Dave F. said...I've seen a few minutes of TMZ and that show is like a puddle in a parking lot - miles wide and 1/4 inch deep. It's so ripe for mockery.

stacy said...Hah! Love the title EAT SLAY LOVE. I'd get the book just based on the title alone.

Jesse Petersen said...Stacy, I mentioned EAT SLAY LOVE on my twitter (you can follow me @jessepet, BTW) and my editor loved it! It was kind of a joke, really! LOL But I like it.

Evil Editor said...It was funnier than I expected. I mean, zombies are intrinsically funny except when they're eating you, but the subtle humor of lines like:

"Amanda, I'm going to open the door, but if you try to eat us I'll kill you."

Sarah: "Our marriage counselor tried to eat us, so we bashed her head in."
Amanda: "Marriage counseling? Are you guys okay?"

Sarah: "He wanted to bite me so I had no choice but to kill him. I'm really sorry Mandy."
Amanda: "It's okay Sarah. I was going to break up with him anyway."

...was a bonus.

Jesse Petersen said...EE , thanks! I'm just glad other people have found it funny. I was sort of scared people wouldn't (I think humor is harder to write than something serious in some ways).

Robin S. said...Hi Jesse, I was in my neighborhood Borders a few days ago and there was a table with zombie stuff - of course with Halloween coming, it got center stage, but it also looks like you caught a good wave here. Congrats on that!

ril said...Yes, there's quite a zombie renaissance going on right now...

Evil Editor said...Just when you think the zombie genre has run its course it rises again.

Jesse Petersen said...I think zombies definitely have staying power. We "get" them as bad guys. I'm hoping that gets reflected in long-term sales and in the sales of FLIP and ESL.

sylvia said...Hello Jesse! I enjoyed the novel.

Jesse Petersen said...Thanks so much, sylvia!

sylvia said...EE has already quoted all my favourite lines!

Evil Editor said...I've saved you the trouble of typing them, Sylvia. Although many of the "tips" at the beginning of the chapters were also funny:

Build mutual friendships. Just be ready to end them when your friends start trying to eat you.

It's better to be wrong and alive than right and eating brains.

sylvia said...I thought the icons and tips were fun and also a great structural device.

Jesse Petersen said...EE, the marriage tips at the beginning of each chapter were SO fun! They carry on in the series, too. In FLIP it's all business advice and in ESL it's general self-help.

ril said...In this first book, David and Sarah aren't exactly the luckiest couple to be around. Do they manage to keep a few friends in the later books?

Jesse Petersen said...ril, Dave and Sarah are definitely hard on friends in the first book! LOL They do make some new ones in the second book (and the third) but you'll have to read them to see if their bad luck continues. I really like the secondary characters. They tend to surprise me!

Robin S. said...I LOVE the movies from back in the day - can't even remember the names of most - but the ones from the 50's and early 60's about swamp things and pod people and aliens and zombies and haunted houses. They're great to watch.

Jesse Petersen said...Robin, definitely! It's interesting to watch the older movies and through the newer ones and see the zombie film genre develop. There are so many good zombie films!

sylvia said...EAT SLAY LOVE sounds awesome. I'm intrigued as to how you knew you had a novel rather than just a scene or even short story?

Jesse Petersen said...sylvia, I really didn't know at first. But the more I wrote, the more I sort of realized that Dave and Sarah would have to follow your typical "zombie set up". Once I had that in my head, it was easy to see how the story would unfold naturally and could be a full novel. I am generally a plotter, but with MWZ I didn't plot much more than a scene or two ahead of myself. FLIP and ESL were far more plotted.

stacy said...I liked the underlying story of a couple that heals through the teamwork of trying to stay alive.

Jesse Petersen said...Stacy, the underlying question of "can Sarah and Dave work it out" was definitely the thing that kept me going, too. I think that's why I kill all their friends, actually. In the end, they have to make it together or not. And I loved watching their relationship get stronger through the next two books, too. Although that isn't to say there aren't challenges (mad scientist who looks like Luke Wilson, HELLO???).

fairyhedgehog said...I loved the premise that David and Sarah needed to slay zombies to save their marriage. And I loved the humour, and the pop references like Mythbusters testing the sheets-as-escape-rope theory. I couldn't remember what they'd found either. I normally avoid zombie books but the humour and the lightness of touch made this a very enjoyable read.

Jesse Petersen said...FHH, I loved being able to write pop culture references like that and let my inner geek out! In my other life as a historical writer, you can really do that. LOL My sister-in-law's bookclub read it this month and she said that she and her friend both thought that "I" came through more in this book and I think that's true. Which made it more fun than ever! And I'm so glad you liked the book despite the zombie thing. I hope it can appeal to people who are big zombie-philes and people who are only zombie-curious.

fairyhedgehog said...Oh, I love that! I'll tell everyone I'm zombie-curious!

Evil Editor said...I liked that the zombies were a major danger, partly through numbers, but also they seemed faster and harder to kill than the usual plodding zombies. It's a pleasant combination of comedy and death, sort of like the TV show Bones.

Jesse Petersen said...EE, I think that's the challenge of the zombie book/movie. Since they aren't a thinking danger, it's sometimes hard to make them feel continually scary. So I had my rules to the zombieverse and stuck to those. You see even scarier zombies in FLIP, too!

ril said...The story definitely had a movie feel to it. Has there been any interest in movie rights yet? Shaun of the Dead was pretty good and in a similar vein...

Jesse Petersen said...ril, we're working on movie rights, but no bites yet. It's a pretty long shot, but I'd certainly love to see it translated to screen in some way!

Dave F. said...I think I enjoyed it more because it didn't dig into science and deep, philosophical societal failures. I liked the lightness and fun. Of course, they did lose all their relatives, neighbors and friends. In the last chapters I was taking side bets on how many pages the next character would last. I won my bets with myself (which goes without saying).

Dave F. I think that zombies definitely have a place to deal with those deeper issues of science and social problems, but I just wanted to have FUN! LOL

fairyhedgehog said...Jesse, it sounds like you had a lot of fun writing the books, but were there times when you wanted to give up?

Jesse Petersen said...I think all writers face that issue at some point. With this book it was different because I wrote it for my own entertainment and then it went to auction within a couple of days of it going out. So it wasn't as much of a "Dark Time of the Soul" that I maybe went through before I was published. But the industry is hard. The sales of this book haven't been as good as I think everyone has hoped and I'll just say I was glad I was done with the first draft of the last book before this one came out because it does make you question yourself and your talent and ability to be successful. In the end, I think it's just figuring out if you love writing enough to put up with all the pain and the things you can't control. I'll just say I was glad I was done with the first draft of the last book before this one came out because it does make you question yourself and your talent and ability to be successful.

fairyhedgehog said...I'm surprised it's not a runaway success. We need to get the word out there with excellent reviews!

Jesse Petersen said...FHH, I totally would not turn down some buzz! I always appreciate people talking about the book on their blogs or posting reviews online to Goodreads, Amazon or Barnes and Noble. Recommend to friends, it makes a great Christmas gift... basically, pimp me and I'll love you forever.

fairyhedgehog said...I love pimping books I've enjoyed!

sylvia said...I think not reading your reviews until you've written the next thing makes a whole lot of sense.

ril said...They're a bit tardy releasing it internationally, too. I had to fly to the US for my copy.

fairyhedgehog said...ril, Wow, you really did put yourself out for this book chat!

ril said...Not only that, I read the whole book.

Jesse Petersen said...ril, Simon and Schuster is releasing the UK version but it is in February. I don't know why the releases are spaced the way they are, it seems odd to me. But I'm so glad you got it. You'll notice there is a slight color difference on the UK version cover, too. IT's red rather than pink (which was the original US cover before they switched to that awesomely vibrant pink). Oh and it looks like the UK FLIP will be in July 2011.

Evil Editor said...Christmas season will lead to massive sales as gifts for zombie lovers.

ril said...The trouble with zombie lovers is their bits fall off too easily...

fairyhedgehog said...@ril, as long as their bits fall off after they've bought the book.

sylvia said...I was impressed that Sarah works even though she's somewhat unsympathetic at the start. She comes across as much bitchier than Dave which surprised me but works in terms of blame. We don't see her as falling back in love with an asshole but instead trying to work out a good relationship with problems.

Robin S. said...Hey, I'm a lot bitchier than my husband is (just ask him!!) - and it works really well. I get to be the designated bad guy on stuff and he gets to be 'the nice one'. That's realism, baby!

Dave F. said...It's the old maxim you hear from all the marriage counselors -- better the imperfect husband you know than mister perfect eating your brains...

Jesse Petersen said...sylvia, Sarah as a bitch is something that I struggle with as a writer. I think she's real, which is cool. But I also want her to be sympathetic (I mean, if you want her to get eaten then it sort of defeats the purpose). It's a real balance between her being funny and snarky and being evil. LOL Hopefully I've hit it, but someone did call her a sociopath. So not everyone gets her.

ril said...They probably meant sociologist. I make that mistake all the time, too.

stacy said...I'd hardly call Sarah a sociopath. She's bitchy, maybe, but that's pretty harsh.

sylvia said...Sociopath? Good lord! I just thought it was interesting that Sarah was *clearly* the cause of some of the problems with the marriage. We feel that Dave is a good guy deep down, rather than some jerk who isn't pulling his weight when she's trying to do everything she can to save them. For me, that made it easier to cheer for them to work together.

Phoenix said...So true. We normally see the guy being the sociopath in relationship books written by women. Go figure. This was a refreshing take.

Evil Editor said...Killing off Mandy did kill off a major source of laughs. That took guts.

ril said...I think killing off the best friend is in the apocalyptic road trip code, isn't it?

stacy said...I was a little surprised at the killing of Mandy, since she was turning out to be a better ally than Sarah and Dave expected. I was expecting them to find out she was a member of MENSA or something, albeit a lazy one.

Evil Editor said...It would have been interesting to keep zombie Mandy alive. They could have put her in one of those Hannibal Lecter masks and pushed her around on a hand truck. And when she got hungry they could feed her evil religious zealots.

fairyhedgehog said...I thought that the cult was seriously creepy and well done. I like the way Sarah gradually realises that the dangers aren't just from the zombies. Oh, and I liked all the asides about "We didn't realise that then but we do now."

Robin S. said...Maybe YOU need to write a zombie novel, EE. The mask thing and the feeder.

Jesse Petersen said...re: Killing off Amanda. I struggled with that, but it is sort of the code of the zombie film/book. The hero and heroine have to face a more personal loss. Once they start to like Mandy, they lose her and it's back to just depending on each other to make it through. I thought that was important to their growth. But I do like the idea that secretly Amanda is a member of MENSA!

Evil Editor said...I assume the loss of Mandy is compensated for in the next book when they hire a ditzy receptionist for the zombie extermination company.

Jesse Petersen said...EE no receptionist in FLIP (though it's a good idea) but they do have a Steve Buschemi-esque contact, an 11-year-old Bart Simpson wannabe, some friends at the library and a mad scientist. It's like the screwed up version of Friends or something.

fairyhedgehog said...One thing that bugged me was with all the body fluids spraying around, could Sarah and David get infected in a cut they didn't know they had or something. I wasn't sure if that could happen and if so how they could prevent it.

Evil Editor said...Obviously, FH, it's the zombie venom from the bite that causes zombieficationism.

fairyhedgehog said...Thanks for clearing that up, EE.

Jesse Petersen said...FHH - I think at some point they do mention the idea that the fluids could kill them or zombie-fy them. I think that's pretty much realism, too, though. In this kind of infection you wouldn't have much control over it. You just try to avoid it.

Dave F. said...There are only two things that work in a zombie novel -- a) the zombies are relentless in seeking your death and b) the interpersonal relationship of the survivors. And that's true whether the living survive or not. The science is irrelevant. It can be anything. I just finished Justin Long's The Passage and although it is a vampire apocalypse, it shares the same themes. However, it is not light reading and as a result, the story is complex and detailed. Married with Zombies is a bright, funny romp through something that should be horrific but makes us laugh. The characters don't need to know why the disaster happened. They only need to survive it. Once civil authority returns, the fun ends because they go back to their mundane life. At least that's my take on zombies rules.

Jesse Petersen said...I think that's true, Dave. With the zombies you don't necessarily need to know the "why" just how to get out. OR figure out how along the way.

sylvia said...I did think that as a survival story, the "science" behind the zombie-fication didn't need clarifying but continuing on with further volumes, I'd normally expect to see the main characters finding out more (and thus the explanations coming through). Without offering spoilers, was this an issue coming from a historical/romance background rather than SF&F?

Jesse Petersen said...Sorry cat is trying to make love to my screen so I'm having cat technical difficulties. Okay, so sylvia you mentioned deepening the science as the series goes on. I think some questions you'll see answered but lots are not. Sarah and Dave end up in a pretty good wasteland in the next two books thanks to governmental bombings and rapid spread of the infection. There are rumors and they do bump into people with more info, but some things you just don't know. That has been an issue with some people who weren't fans of the first book, but I thought it was realistic in some ways. With something so big and so instantly devastating, you wouldn't have the answers right away, you know? And you might never get them. Someone mentioned that zombie stories are in some ways more about the survivors and I totally think that's true. It's how you react, not necessarily how you got there.

Robin S. said...Agree with that last part, Jesse. With any devastation - it matters what you're made of, how you handle things. knowing all about what happened is secondary unless it's important to help you survive.

fairyhedgehog said...I felt you'd given us enough hints to suspect that the zombie outbreak was probably due to scientists working on something biological (a cure? a weapon? who knows?) and it had escaped and was virulent. That actually seemed reasonable to me.

Robin S. said...Anyone know the genesis of the zombie in our human fear factor subconscious? It would be interesting to know.

Dave F. said...elements of Frankenstein might be an origin of zombies. The Mummy movies -- a dead guardian of the pharaoh's tomb. But in the late 40's and 50's science was frightening and people were afraid that science would end the world. Plus, what is the morality of a weapon? Would nuclear weapons and science destroy the human race?

Robin S. said...Dave, that makes sense - the fear and paranoia post WW2 - in the movies and the bad guys - a new breed, built on the back of the Victorian era of creepy bad guys.

Dave F. said...Robin, Romero's Night of the Living Dead was just another one of those stories until he did all those brand new cuts and fades, cast the hero as a black man and told the story over the end of the credits. It's the amount of social commentary he shoved into the movie and the way he told the story on the screen that prevented it from being just another 60's sci-fi.

fairyhedgehog said...I felt sympathy for Sarah having to earn a living while David plays video games all day. And once you get into a snarky mindset it's not always easy to get out of it again. Ahem. Or so I've been told.

stacy said...I did feel sympathy for Sarah in the beginning even though it took a while for me to actually like her.

Duane from Houston said...jesse, I notice in the book that everyone sarah and dave meets dies. Was that symbolism that they only have each other in the end or was it more that they are so self absorbed that they can't seem to sustain relationships with others long enough to keep them alive?

Jesse Petersen said...LOL, I hadn't thought about the second option. I think I was thinking more along the lines of the first. In the end, they only have each other, so can they work it out or not. But they are pretty self-absorbed. Not exactly good friend material, either of them.

Phoenix said...I think because zombies are such a niche audience, it's hard to convince other folk that they'll like it if they try it. How are you marketing to those "other" audiences.

fairyhedgehog said...sylvia, I agree. It felt far more balanced than most books about a relationship gone wrong.

stacy said...Yes, they could have definitely used Mandy during the cult scenes, but they handled that all right.

stacy said.... . . not exactly good friend material, either of them. Does that change at all in the next two books?

Jesse Petersen said...Stacy, as far as Dave and Sarah changing and becoming better friends, yes. I think they are better in FLIP (I kill far less people who they're close to in that book, some of them even GASP survive!!). The whole "Living With the Dead" series shows them changing as a couple and as people. Like Dave gets more proactive, Sarah gets more understanding. All while still snarking it up, of course.

Evil Editor said...Is your depiction of zombies based on your husband in the morning?

Jesse Petersen said...LOL, he is a little grumpy in the morning. People keep asking if he's Dave. I think I'M Dave. Hanging out, doing what I want to do (though in my case writing) and he's off slogging through some job. Although he's never gone all Sarah snarky on me (I guess that's my Sarah part, I'm snarky). He's very supportive.stacy said...This really put me in mind of SHAUN OF THE DEAD, a film I really enjoyed.

Jesse Petersen said...Oh I wanted to remind people, Orbit has the first chapter of FLIP up on the http://www.jessepetersen.net site. And I'm going to be putting another sneak peek in my blog on the site Monday.

Dave F. said...This will be one of my easier Christmas gifts for that "hard to get" relative.

sylvia said...I liked the fact that it was a fast and humorous read - not many apocalypse stories manage that.

Duane said...I read the first chapter of Flip and I am confused just a bit. Has the outbreak been contained and they are being hired to clean it up..or is it that people wanna get into the supermarket but there are zombies and they dont want to fight them..so they hire Sarah and Dave?

Jesse Petersen said...Duane, the outbreak has definitely not been contained! They are out in the wastelands (in this case, they got as far as Phoenix). When people spot zombies they hire Sarah and Dave to clear them out (lots of people just haven't figured out how to do it or don't want to do it anymore). In trade for goods. No more supermarkets and that sort of thing. Survivor camps.

Jesse Petersen said...You're all very quiet now... LOL

Evil Editor said...We're quietly basking in the afterglow of the chat. Happens every month.

Robin S. said...That's true. We bask at the end. It's fun to get together!

sylvia said...The discussions are a lot more vocal when people disliked the book. >:D

fairyhedgehog said...I'm glad that we all liked it! That doesn't often happen.

stacy said...Jesse, did you find it necessary to finish the second book in order to know what to hint at in the first (as a continuation of the story, that is)?

Jesse Petersen said...Actually Orbit had already bought the first book and they asked what the second book was going to be about and I said, "Second book?" So I'd already mentioned the zombie extermination in the first so that's what we went with. I did go back and add a couple hints in the first that they really meant it.

Jesse Petersen said...Thanks everyone for coming and for allowing me to invade your chat! I'm so glad so many of you liked the book! And thanks for offering this as an auction item, EE!! My website is http://www.jessepeteren.net, I'm on Facebook (fan page) and also @jessepet on Twitter! I always love to hear from readers, so feel free to hit me up on any or all of those places.

sylvia said...Thanks for coming, Jesse. It's always interesting to hear about the making of a book!

Evil Editor said...Perhaps we should call it a chat. It was a pleasure having you, Jesse. This was the most favorably received book we've read via the auction.

Jesse Petersen said...Woohoo! Thanks EE! And thanks again everyone! Hope you enjoy FLIP THIS ZOMBIE and EAT SLAY LOVE just as much!