Sunday, January 03, 2010

New Year's Resolution 3

I had just returned home from my daily visit to the Marble Slab Creamery for my three scoops of ice cream mixed with crushed Oreos, chocolate chips and bacon bits, when I happened to catch sight of myself in the mirror--or at least that portion of myself that would actually fit within the confines of the mirror, said mirror being approximately the width of my bathroom door, upon which it hung.

I was as startled by the size of my abdominal region as I had been the first time I noticed I was bald. I quickly stepped onto the bathroom scale and discovered I had put on fifty pounds practically overnight ("practically overnight" consisting of the period, coincidentally, since the Marble Slab Creamery first opened its doors). Immediately I resolved to initiate a program of self-improvement--beginning with a frivolous lawsuit against the Marble Slab Creamery.

I now also resolve that I will henceforth walk the two blocks to the Creamery rather than avail myself of a limo service, or, failing that, that I will at least jog from the limo to the Creamery entrance.

--Evil Editor

6 comments:

Sarah Laurenson said...

Ah. Resolutions that I should make myself. Thanks for the reminder.
:)

fairyhedgehog said...

I suspect we can all relate to this one.

I was going to start eating sensibly now it's New Year but how much more fun to simply sue Green & Black's for making irresistable chocolate.

Wood Words said...

He-he. So your avatar could lose a few too? Jogging from the limo sounds doable. You could also try using a real spoon, not the plastic kind, and lifting it real slow. I've heard it tones your arm muscles. ;-) Thanks!

Robin S. said...

Immediately I resolved to initiate a program of self-improvement--beginning with a frivolous lawsuit against the Marble Slab Creamery.

Heh heh. With that attitude, you'e definitely an American editor. (Not that that will helo me with my Googling.)

Dave F. said...

three scoops of ice cream mixed with crushed Oreos, chocolate chips and bacon bits,

I have dreams of ice cream that rich. Sadly, only dreams, but none-the-less, glorious dreams.

Feed me...

Whirlochre said...

If you need a shoe horn to get into your underwear, let me know. I have a spare.