I had just returned home from my daily visit to the Marble Slab Creamery for my three scoops of ice cream mixed with crushed Oreos, chocolate chips and bacon bits, when I happened to catch sight of myself in the mirror--or at least that portion of myself that would actually fit within the confines of the mirror, said mirror being approximately the width of my bathroom door, upon which it hung.
I was as startled by the size of my abdominal region as I had been the first time I noticed I was bald. I quickly stepped onto the bathroom scale and discovered I had put on fifty pounds practically overnight ("practically overnight" consisting of the period, coincidentally, since the Marble Slab Creamery first opened its doors). Immediately I resolved to initiate a program of self-improvement--beginning with a frivolous lawsuit against the Marble Slab Creamery.
I now also resolve that I will henceforth walk the two blocks to the Creamery rather than avail myself of a limo service, or, failing that, that I will at least jog from the limo to the Creamery entrance.