Thank you for your interest but regretfully I must inform you that I will not be providing you with my phone number at this time. Of course one must be aggressive in today's competitive dating market and I do appreciate the initiative you showed in approaching me, your determined refusal to take a hint, and that extra effort you put in by following me out of the cafe into the nearby bookstore. However as I mentioned – repeatedly – there is a current occupant in the position of Significant Other and therefore I am not entertaining any offers at this time, not even your kind suggestion that we "just be friends."
Nonetheless, allow me to wish you the best of luck in your future dating endeavors. Hopefully the next girl will not lose you by doubling back and sneaking out through the music department.
--Sarah from Hawthorne