Sunday, March 15, 2009

Movie Character Memoir 14

What can I do for you, Mr. . . . Tidwell?

I'll tell you what you can do for me. You can SHOW ME THE MONEY!



First things first, sir. TELL ME THE STORY! Better yet, get an agent and let him tell me the story.

I got an agent. He ain't worth a damn.

Who is it?

Name's Jerry Maguire.

Never heard of him.

Looks a little like Tom Cruise? Except Jerry can act.

The story?

It's my memoir. I'm a wide receiver for--

No one reads football fiction. I'm afraid--

Look, writers got a shelf life of ten years, tops. My book contract's gotta bring me the money that'll last me and mine a long time.


This is what you gonna do for me. You listenin', EE?

What can I do for you?

It's a very personal, a very important thing. Hell, it's a family motto. Are you ready?

I'm ready.

I wanna make sure you're ready, brother. Here it is: Show me the money. SHOW! ME! THE! MONEY! Doesn't it make you feel good just to say that! Say it with me one time, EE.

Show you the money.

Oh, no, no. You can do better than that! I want you to say it with meaning, brother! Hey, I got Editorial Ass on the other line; I bet you she can say it!

Show you the money.

No! Not show you! Show me the money!

Show me the money.

Yeah! Louder!

Show me the money!

Yes, but, brother, you got to yell that shit!

Show me the money!

I need to feel you, EE!

Show me the money!

You got to yell!

Show me the money! Show me the money!

Who's your motherfucker, EE?

You're my motherfucker!

Whatcha gonna do, EE?

Show me the money!

Congratulations, you're my editor.



Wes said...


(Contrary to the pervailing opinion, I'm not trying to suck up.)

Anonymous said...

XLN, oh great and worthy one! Even tho I've never actually seen the movie, I could well-relate. Perfect escalation of pt. size and font weight created that sense of urgency made famous in the movie. Top-notch!


freddie said...

I can totally see this!

Dave F. said...

Gee, don't be that funny, I almost choked to death on my dessert -- Shoo fly pie!

Robin S. said...

Congratulations, you're my editor.

Now there's a line I'd love to use.

Sarah Laurenson said...

Loved this one, EE!

Rick Daley said...

Hmmm, threatening him by dropping the name Editorial Ass...good call!