Sunday, January 18, 2009

As You Know, Bob 1

"As you know, Bob, the invasion was like a swarm of bees on a warm summer's evening, except bigger, faster and with lasers."

Bob wiped his face with the sleeve of his jumpsuit. The uricacia mine was hotter than an elephant in heat. "I don't know why you're telling me all this," he said. "I was there too."

Ned's face grew stern as a stern teacher's face on a wet and windy day when the whole class has to be kept in because someone was flicking paper pellets at the board and no one will own up. "I forgot," he said. "Since the abduction my memory is like a colander that lets all the vitamin-rich cabbage water go down the drain and leaves you with the chewy bits."

"Well, I'm sick of it. What we should be thinking about is how to get out of these mines before they kill us deader than a dead mackerel on a plate of salad and chips."

"We've as much chance of getting out of here as a hamster has of getting out of a triple-locked bank vault." Ned woodpeckered his pickaxe into the wall in front of him. "Who'd have thought that they'd take most of the men away to work the uricacia mines and leave the women behind to raise the next generation-"

"You're doing it again, Ned."

"Sorry."

--Fairy Hedgehog

9 comments:

sylvia said...

Haha - what wonderfully visual analogies. My favourite is the memory like a colander.

Dave F. said...

A conversation stating the obvious. How droll, how funny, how delightful!
BTW, I've stood at a mine face while someone woodpeckered a wall. They do that to insert explosives. It usually happens before you run away, FAST!

Anonymous said...

my memory is like a colander that lets all the vitamin-rich cabbage water go down the drain and leaves you with the chewy bits.


YESSSSS! And I agree with Dave's usage of the term "droll".

Meri

fairyhedgehog said...

Thanks, Sylvia, Dave and Anon.

This was great fun to do - probably more fun than it is to read.

dana p said...

"You're doing it again, Ned." Ha! Called him on it.

...hotter than an elephant in heat. Maybe I'll use this expression when summer rolls around.

Robin S. said...

Since the abduction my memory is like a colander that lets all the vitamin-rich cabbage water go down the drain and leaves you with the chewy bits. This one made me laugh out loud, a chortle laugh, actually. I love it!

fairyhedgehog said...

Thanks, dana and Robin.

Wes said...

Love the colander and the vitamin-rich cabbage water.

fairyhedgehog said...

Thanks, Wes!