Monday, June 30, 2008
Book Trailer
The book trailer won in the Brenda Novak juvenile diabetes auction is complete, and the book's author has no problem with your viewing it.
Clicking here should allow you to view the trailer on your player.
Face-Lift 538
Guess the Plot
The Edge of Memory
1. Irwin needs to fit another 512Mb DIMM in his Dell XPS1720 so he can run the latest version of Hellspawn on Vista. But he's reckoned without the resource sapping power of the Aero interface. Can he downgrade back to XP, or is he destined to forever be at the very edge of memory?
2. A tall, strangely-dressed man is found wandering the desert outside Palm Springs. He claims to be Charlemagne. Is he delusional, or has someone at a nearby secret research lab really broken the time barrier?
3. Willow saw her mother killed twenty years ago, when she was only three. Since then she's lived in a silent world. Now Detective Gary Hiller has been assigned to the cold case. Can he reach Willow, or is she forever doomed to exist on . . . The Edge of Memory?
4. Beatrice lost a decade of her childhood to amnesia long ago. Fortunately she was taken in by a wonderful woman. Unfortunately that woman just died. Fortunately Beatrice finds a clue to the identity of her birth mother. Unfortunately, her birth mother was murdered. Fortunately her birth father is still alive. Unfortunately, her birth father is the one who murdered her birth mother. Fortunately, he just got out of prison. Can Beatrice regain her lost memories with the help of a murderer? Or is there another murder in the offing?
5. When strangers begin appearing in Carrie Strachan's life claiming to be old friends and lovers she begins to wonder how much of what she remembers is history and how much is fantasy. Her efforts to rediscover her true past draw the attention of a serial killer with ties to a counterintelligence operation. Carries must discover who she was and why her memories are important before she becomes another victim in a government-sanctioned killing spree.
6. You know how sometimes you're watching TV and an actor or actress is in the program and they look really familiar, like you know you've seen them in something else but you can't remember if it was a movie or TV show and it's killing you so you wait for the end to get their name but the closing credits go so fast you miss it? That's what life is like every hour of every day for Piper Jones, private eye to the stars.
Original Version
Dear Prospective Agent,
My novel, THE EDGE OF MEMORY, tells the story of a woman with childhood amnesia whose search for her birth parents uncovers brutal family secrets that force her to confront a violent murderer.
Although devastated by the death of the woman who took her in thirty years ago, Beatrice Greyson's grief turns to betrayal when she finds a hidden letter from her birth mother. Leaving everything behind, Beatrice follows the railroad tracks across the Midwest in hopes of finding where she came from and what happened during the missing decade of her childhood. [It's The Wizard of Oz. The railroad tracks are the yellow brick road. The MC is trying to get back to her midwestern home.]
With the help of a charming man she meets along the way (Raymond Richter [aka "The Scarecrow"]), Beatrice discovers she was once Mallory Edgewood, missing and presumed drowned in the Missouri River at the age of twelve. Shortly after her disappearance, her father (Vincent Edgewood) beat her mother to death. [So that's why Dorothy lived with her Aunt Em.] Vincent has recently been released from prison and Beatrice must face him to recover her missing past. Her need to learn the truth will uncover darker family secrets, [Darker than the fact that her father murdered her mother?] jeopardize her budding relationship with Raymond, and leave her teetering on the brink of murder.
THE EDGE OF MEMORY (Upmarket Women's Fiction) addresses the physical and psychological impact of traumatic childhood, for which my current work as a pediatrician gives unique insight. I had several poems published in Scars Publications and in literary magazines in college. [In fact, this novel was inspired by my first published poem, which goes:
My daddy got thirty years
From a very lenient jury
For murdering my mother
And tossing me in the Missouri.]
Medical training consumed most of my time after college, but at thirty-four years old, I now have a job that allows time for both medicine and writing. [I always wondered what was taking the doctor so long while I was sitting by myself in the examination room in my underwear pretending to read Health Magazine; turns out she was working on her memoirs.]
[Reason for contacting this specific agent goes here.] THE EDGE OF MEMORY (89,000 words) would appeal to readers who enjoy the work of Jodi Picoult and Anita Shreve. If you'd be interested in considering my novel, I'd be glad to send the manuscript for your review. Per your agency website's guidelines, I'm including [whatever they say they like sent].
I truly appreciate your time and look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Notes
How is it that Raymond has nothing better to do than join up with a woman who's following the railroad tracks across the midwest searching for information about something that happened thirty years ago?
No hint about what was in the letter? Apparently something like, Take good care of my daughter, and if she ever wants to find me, tell her I'm living near the railroad tracks in the midwest.
When fiction is declared "upmarket" does it mean it will appeal to those of means? I can see a Lexus being called an upmarket car, but what makes a book upmarket?
You could put the word count and genre in the same parentheses rather than two different sets.
Sounds like an intriguing story, though it also sounds more like some hybrid of mystery, literary fiction and suspense novel than women's fiction. You haven't made it sound like something that wouldn't appeal to men. I take it the Raymond/Beatrice relationship is a major aspect?
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Writing Exercise Result 11
Dear Evil Editor,
I am sorry to report that your dog died. Sneezix ate rotted horsemeat.
He got out the front door when the firemen came. The dead meat was
Marigold, your Appaloosa. Marigold got scared and ran into her stall and
burnt-up in the fire. Sneezix didn't know it was Marigold when he ate her.
It took two fire brigades. Those floor-to-ceiling drapes in the library
were 20 feet tall and that decorator used some weirdo fabric that just
went up like a torch. It was a very pretty funeral until the candles
around the coffin lit the drapes, and burnt the roof, and destroyed the
barn with Marigold inside. And your dog died.
All the mourners said your wife looked almost alive. You see, your wife
stroked out. Your Daughter called Undertaker Fred and he laid her out in
silks and laces with candles and flowers. During the wake, your
mother-in-law flung herself on the coffin, the catafalque broke under
her weight and knocked over the candles, lit the drapes, burnt the roof,
sparks jumped to the barn, the barn burnt. It killed the horse. Sneezix
had run outside away during the excitement and on his return, ate the
bad horsemeat, and died.
The doctors said an aneurism exploded when your wife saw your teenage
daughter in bed with the pool boy in her mouth and his cousin bubba
up... But I don't have to tell you. It's on YOUTUBE. Look up "Deep
Debby." It's won a webby award and your daughter is accepting the trophy
today.
The lawyer will explain the details. He's meeting you at the airport
with the FBI. I'm sorry your dog died.
Other than that, nothing happened. I will be happy to house sit again
next year.
Sincerely
(Dave F.)
I am sorry to report that your dog died. Sneezix ate rotted horsemeat.
He got out the front door when the firemen came. The dead meat was
Marigold, your Appaloosa. Marigold got scared and ran into her stall and
burnt-up in the fire. Sneezix didn't know it was Marigold when he ate her.
It took two fire brigades. Those floor-to-ceiling drapes in the library
were 20 feet tall and that decorator used some weirdo fabric that just
went up like a torch. It was a very pretty funeral until the candles
around the coffin lit the drapes, and burnt the roof, and destroyed the
barn with Marigold inside. And your dog died.
All the mourners said your wife looked almost alive. You see, your wife
stroked out. Your Daughter called Undertaker Fred and he laid her out in
silks and laces with candles and flowers. During the wake, your
mother-in-law flung herself on the coffin, the catafalque broke under
her weight and knocked over the candles, lit the drapes, burnt the roof,
sparks jumped to the barn, the barn burnt. It killed the horse. Sneezix
had run outside away during the excitement and on his return, ate the
bad horsemeat, and died.
The doctors said an aneurism exploded when your wife saw your teenage
daughter in bed with the pool boy in her mouth and his cousin bubba
up... But I don't have to tell you. It's on YOUTUBE. Look up "Deep
Debby." It's won a webby award and your daughter is accepting the trophy
today.
The lawyer will explain the details. He's meeting you at the airport
with the FBI. I'm sorry your dog died.
Other than that, nothing happened. I will be happy to house sit again
next year.
Sincerely
(Dave F.)
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
Face-Lift 537
Guess the Plot
The Iron Queen
1. 1870. Patrick O'Byrne is a member of the Molly Maguires, the underground organization of Irish miners in Pennsylvania. What his fellow miners don't know, however, is that Patrick is really Patricia, doing men's work to support her children. When handsome Thomas Fitzgerald arrives, will she be able to keep her secret, or will her heart betray her?
2. Queen Voula rules with an iron fist, especially when it comes to her servants. But that doesn't keep Linea, the zombie maid from shirking her duties to be with Leo. When Leo dies and becomes a zombie, can he and Linea kill Voula before she destroys their souls?
3. "Plain" Jane Beaner's life is changed when her late aunt's lawyer informs her she has not only inherited a fortune, but her aunt's hidden superpowers as the Iron Queen. Suddenly her life is way beyond cool. But will she be ready when she finds out the guy she's been crushing on since forever is now her nemesis?
4. When Clyde introduces an Employee of the Month award at the laundry, he never expects to start finding contestants' bodies in the mangle. Someone is desperate to become The Iron Queen, but can Clyde find the killer before another presser is murdered? Also, handy tips for removing blood from fabric.
5. Bendacia has ruled Gorar with an iron fist for nearly forty years. But now the aging, spinster queen must chose a successor. Can she find someone worthy amongst the various princes? Also, a blind wizard.
6. When Noah Washington steals an antique metal chesspiece from a neigborhood pawn shop, he has no idea it's part of a set created by a 14th century alchemist to hold the secret of the Philosopher's Stone. Now he's being hunted by agents of the Vatican, servants of a modern would-be sorceror and the sycophants of a wealthy industrialist who owns the other pieces.
Original Version
Dear Evilest of Editors:
Linea's compulsive questioning wouldn't be a problem if she were a normal teenage girl. But Linea is a zombie, and Dark Queen Voula doesn't like her servants asking questions. Cleaning musty catacombs has Linea bored stiff, so she ventures to the living world in search of a little excitement. What she finds is Leo—a confident, headstrong guy who instantly captivates her. Soon she questions everything about her life in the Underworld.
[Leo introducing Linea to his parents:
Leo: Mom, Dad, I want you to meet my girlfriend, Linea.
Mom: Correct me if I'm wrong, Leo, but isn't this woman a zombie?
Linea: Brains. Must eat brains.
Dad: She does have nice hands. Is there some way to reattach them?]
Linea breaks all the rules to be with Leo— [How does Leo feel about this? I mean, it's a little awkward when someone is infatuated with you and the feeling isn't mutual, even when the someone in question isn't interested in eating your brain.] she spends time on the surface, ignores her duties, and reveals her true identity for love that transcends death. When Leo is killed unexpectedly, she then finds her boyfriend transformed into a zombie, but not for long. Through their relationship Leo becomes a Lich— [Not clear what you mean by "through their relationship."] Queen Voula's most feared enemy. Before Voula discovers the truth about Leo, they must find her weakness and kill her, or else she will destroy their souls. [If they kill her, will she become a zombie? If not, what determines who becomes a zombie?]
An 80,000-word YA contemporary fantasy, The Iron Queen is my first novel and has an option for a sequel. Thank you for your time. I look forward to your response.
Sincerely,
Notes
If it's "Dark" Queen Voula, why isn't the title The Dark Queen?
It's okay, but there's room for more information about zombies and Leo. Do zombies look and act like normal people? Are they a threat to normal people? Does Leo have anything against Voula, or does becoming a Lich make him automatically her enemy for no good reason? Can a romance really work when one of the participants is dead?
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Book Chat 4
Book Chat 4: Jennifer Crusie/Bet Me
June, 2008Evil Editor said...Welcome to Book Chat 4. If we're lucky, the author may drop in to allow us to heap our praise upon her and to tell us which of her other books we would like. As last month, I've chosen a minion who had already read the book to moderate the chat. That being Tal tonight.
talpianna said... Is this, or is this not, the perfect role for an out-of-touch medievalist? I've just been arguing with an archaeologist. I'm in fine fettle. There are six people here counting EE--shall we start now, or give it a few minutes more? Jenny will be here if she can, but she's in the midst of home-remodeling hell and may not be free. Or may be locked in her refrigerator, for that matter.
Evil Editor said...Go for it.
Dave F. said... Well, it's a fun read. They are absolutely cutthroat women to the guy's rather stupid wolves.
BuffySquirrel said... Wolves? Puppies!
Evil Editor said... I didn't find them cutthroat. Maybe Liza.
Dave F. said... EE, she calls two of her friends "Wet" and "Worse"...My lover has friends I don't like and other than the one I call "dead" if he ever shows up at my house again, I never call them bad names.
Evil Editor said... Her sister's friends.
talpianna said... Liza, yes. And Cal's mother. And Cynthie.
Dave F. said... Cynthie is one of those "psychologist/psychiatrist" types who thinks she knows it all. I haven't reached her end but she believes she understands the world. I knew a few Nuns like that. And her sister is marrying the Maid of Honor's ex-boyfriend. In some cultures that would be an excuse for murder and mayhem.
Evil Editor said... Better than sleeping with the groom the night before the wedding.
Dave said...Wouldn't like:
a) helpless women (or those that pretend to be helpless) make me grumpy and snarly.
b) manipulative women (like Cynthie) I avoid. Life's too short for that stuff. And I've had a few manipulative women as bosses.
talpianna said... Since there are a bunch of guys here, I'd like to start by asking them what they thought of Crusie's male characters? Realistic?
Dave F. said... They think with their "manhood" ...
talpianna said... Roger (ironically) doesn't.
Dave F. said... Roger seems to have a bad streak of revenge.
Evil Editor said... I didn't buy the stuff the ex-boyfriend was doing. Sure, he was egged on by Cynthie, but...
talpianna said... I did--but then I've been reading a lot of books about psychopaths lately, and I think David is one. Not the serial-killer kind, the shallow kind who has no empathy and likes to make trouble for the sake of trouble--and only cares about himself.
BuffySquirrel said... Well, I just finished reading "Ice Bound", where the author's ex-husband did some pretty terrible things, like going around telling the press that she didn't really have cancer and was just attention seeking.... So maybe it's hard to believe someone can behave like that, but they can. With a slightly different motivation (the whole 'If I can't have her, nobody can'), I think the ex-boyfriend might have convinced more. Certainly he didn't care about her at all.
Robin S. said... the shallow kind who has no empathy and likes to make trouble for the sake of trouble--and only cares about himself. Yep. A Peter Pan sociopath.
talpianna said... One of the things I particularly appreciate about good romance novels is well-developed minor characters and relationships other than the h/h--family and friendship and colleagues. I thought the various friendships were well done. And Wet and Worse were DIANA's friends, not Min's. She couldn't stand them.
Evil Editor said... I thought he realized too late that he cared about her.
Robin S. said... No. David is a world-class user asshole. I've known a few.
talpianna said... I think it was pretty clear, in his conversations with Cynthie after she'd given up on getting Cal back, that he was much more about seeing Cal lose than about getting Min back.
Evil Editor said... No reason to believe he was ever honest with Cynthie.
Robin S. said... I agree - David's conversations were false by definition - because he's who he is. David 's the kind of guy who's never been honest with anyone ever - not even himself. And he has no self-awareness at all.
BuffySquirrel said... I don't think he cared about her. Maybe he convinced himself he did. Actions speak louder than words....
talpianna said... EE, I was thinking more about David's inner dialogue than what he said to anyone else, including Cynthie.
Dave F. said... David was obviously more serious than Minerva was about their "love life"... I don't think he's altogether bad, he's just very, very hurt and being mean about it. Besides, he has that bet for a seminar with Calvin.
talpianna said... In most genre fiction, the good guys and the bad guys are pretty clearly distinguished. In this one, as in many of Crusie's longer books, there are a lot of gray hats, so to speak. Any characters you have no sympathy with? And what did you think of the various endings she gave them in the epilogue? I thought David got too happy an ending.
BuffySquirrel said... I had no sympathy with David. Or with the long description of the wedding dress. Enough already!
Dave F. said... The Wedding Dress is the dream dress of many a bride. It is the most oversold and overwrought piece of junk a woman can wear. It's utterly useless, completely impractical and merely "the stuff that dreams are made of" And don't get me started on the ugliness of a bridesmaid dress. The male equivalent of a bridesmaid dress is a speedo. YIKES can you look ugly real fast in those things.
talpianna said... Dave, that may be true, but the fact remains that it's the center of many girls' dreams from the time they are old enough to play with Barbies.
BuffySquirrel said... Dave, dear, do you honestly think you're telling me something I don't know?
Dave F. said... I know about wedding dresses. I know about dreams and barbie doll dreams. And I also know that y'all do to. That's why I added the quote from the Maltese Falcon - the stuff that dreams are made of.
talpianna said... Dave--that's Shakespeare
Evil Editor said...
MacBeth: Is this a dagger which I see before me?
Laertes: Naw, it's the stuff dreams are made of.
talpianna said... I didn't know Laertes dealt crack!
Dave F. said... From IMDB - The Maltese Falcon [last lines]
Detective Tom Polhaus: [picks up the falcon] Heavy. What is it?
Sam Spade: The, uh, stuff that dreams are made of.
Detective Tom Polhaus: Huh?
Something to believe in, dreams. I think that Minerva has no dreams. I think her family knocked them out of her with their constant fussiness. I think she's the designated spinster who stays home and takes care of mummy and daddy in their old age. Weddings are dreams -- completely impractical, expensive and outrageous dreams. I'm not out to rob a gal of her dreams.
BuffySquirrel said... Those sorts of weddings were never my dreams. Maybe cos my doll was a Sindy? Tal, we need a cast list for this chat!
Dave said...What girl doesn't dream of being Snow White to Prince Charming? What father doesn't have that heart-tugging moment when the little girl suddenly becomes a woman? All of that is a fairy tale, the best of all possible worlds that for a few minutes, actually comes true.
talpianna said... I didn't see Snow White--I saw lots of Cinderella and a bit of Sleeping Beauty, with Liza as generic fairy godmother. Unless you count Elvis as Puss in Boots?
BuffySquirrel said... Let us get this very clear. I never fantasised about Big Expensive Weddings. I never fantasised about Prince Fucking Charming. Are we clear now? Mostly I wanted a pony. And no, not for sex.
talpianna said... Dave, I think you have a good point about Min. Remember the scene where Bonnie tried to get Min to say what her dream was? It was like pulling teeth to get her even to envision it.
And THE MALTESE FALCON was still quoting THE TEMPEST.
BuffySquirrel said... We are such stuff as dreams are made on. ON not OF!
Dave F. said... When I use the quote "Stuff that dreams are made of" I am generally thinking of the lengths that the characters in The Maltese Falcon went to just to own the falcon. In the end it was nothing but a useless hunk of metal. The fullfilment of some dreasm is like that.
Now as to weddings. I really like "Four Weddings and a Funeral" which has no plot. And my other favorite movie romance is "When Harry Met Sally" because that's the way love is.
We like fighting couples because we know that in the end, they make up. SO Kiss me, Kate.
Evil Editor said... I liked a lot of characters. I guess it's a requirement in romance that someone be trying to keep the h/h apart. In my romance novel that won't be the case.
talpianna said... Well, fashion--and weight--is/are one of the themes of the book. How did you feel about Nanette, Min's mom? Black hat or gray? (Designer hat, of course)
Evil Editor said... Compared to Cal's mother she was a doll.
Jeb said... Nanette got off too lightly, imho. Is it really possible for her to have never challenged her own perceptions about weight/marriage/whatever in all those years, and then to turn around on a dime because her overweight 'disappointing' daughter says so the day after she catches an 'eligible man'?
talpianna said... Jeb--I think what shook Nanette up and changed her was the confrontation with her husband about his supposed affair.
BuffySquirrel said... I think I wished more that I had girl friends like Min's than I wished I had a man like Cal. Quite a lot more.
Jeb said... buffy - I agree with you about wanting good girlfriends more.
talpianna said... Buffy, I completely agree! Crusie does female friendships well. I think the truly bad characters in this book were Cal's parents and David. Oh, and Greg and Worse. Everyone else had extenuating circumstances. I disliked Nanette intensely (especially since she had my former name!) but she genuinely wanted happiness for Min.
Jeb said... I thought it was a very realistic touch that the sister's friends had their own 'pet names' for Min's friends. It's a common enough kind of shorthand. As for David, I've met guys like him. In fact, living in a oil-boom city, I'm surrounded by them. I agree his motivations could have been stronger; after all, he didn't really want Min back, and he could have bailed out on the bet any time. Cynthie... I've met women like her, too. Self-justifying co-workers like her were one reason I gave up psychology for accounting (not that accountants aren't evil in their own way) What saved the long wedding-dress description for me was Min's comment afterward.
sylvia said... Personally, I found David hard to believe. Not because I haven't seen sociopathic behaviour before, but he kept almost-not-doing-it then changing his mind for a view of Cynthie's cleavage. He wasn't sociopathic, just horny. And that seemed a bit hard to keep believing in, over time.
Robin S. said... Yeah, jeb, that was a bit of a 'wrap-it-up' tp me as well, re: Nanette.
BuffySquirrel said... Nanette might not change her views, but she might be prepared to eat stuff to save her marriage.
Dave F. said... Yeah, I was surprised that Nanette was so openly hostile to a "full-figured" daughter.
It seemed Calvin, (like me) likes them with a little meat on their bones.
Jeb said... Sadly, I've had supper with oil-company people who act a lot like Cal's family. Many of them don't allow children at the dining table until they've been properly socialized by their private schools.
Not sure I buy that Cal's sister-in-law... Bink... was really about to start standing up to her asshole husband after all those years. She'd been so spineless up til then.
In fact, most of the female characters were treated very sympathetically in the end. Normal women rip each other to shreds. But then, it's a fantasy, right? Like the romance with the gorgeous guy who loves you FOR your weight instead of in spite of it.
BuffySquirrel said... When one woman shreds another, I itch to bang their heads together. Maybe all Blink needed was someone who was on her side. Many people can't act unsupported, but can if they get help.
sylvia said... Both of them had an awful parent (her mother, his father) which struck me as a bit contrived to throw them together. The constant contact and open hostility seemed odd to me. For such strong-minded people, I would have thought that one of them would have walked away.
Evil Editor said... I didn't buy Min walking out of Emilio's after Cal sang. It was romantic. Her friends were there. It was time to go for it, not fret yet again.
Jeb said... I'm with EE on Min walking out at the most romantic moment of her life. It seemed like a ploy to extend the conflict for another few chapters. Loved the rehearsal dinner scene - I can see screaming out loud that on a movie screen.
Robin S. said... The endless fretting. Yeah - that's not something I'm fond of.
sylvia said... I did kind of understand the walking out of the song - or, I understood Min's reaction. But I would have thought she'd have stayed there and shut up and avoided causing a scene. It was very overt for the circumstances.
talpianna said... Sylvia, I think Min didn't want to break down and have a crying jag in public. EE--reread what she said to him after he caught up with her after the song. It really rang true to me. It didn't matter that David dumped her, because he didn't know the REAL her. But Cal DID, and she was certain he'd dump her--the real her--and that was what hurt so much. And up to that point we had no indication that Cal himself had any intention of permanence, just wishful thinking.
Evil Editor said... Is she still certain he'll dump her?
BuffySquirrel said... Sometimes hope can be the scariest thing.
talpianna said... Min didn't walk out on her family because of Diana, and Cal didn't walk out on his because of Harry and Bink. Min's father was OK, and as I said, Nanette may have been a lousy mother but she really loved Min and cared about her--she was just completely wrong about things. And maybe not even that--being myself overweight, I've been the recipient of a hell of a lot of cruelty on that account. And I thought that Cal's mother was even worse than his father; and Reynolds was a just barely redeemable butthead.
Jeb said... Bink had Cal's support years before, and it wasn't enough even though they were both at the same family dinner table month after month. I think she's one of the weaker characters as far as consistency goes. The guys seemed to be generally one-dimensional, one reason why I can't handle reading many romances per year.
BuffySquirrel said... I got the impression the incident at the game was the only time Cal had offered active support.
talpianna said... I think the support Bink needed was not just Cal (who after all was the family's Designated Loser) but Cal plus Min.
Jeb said... If Cal had never stood up for Bink or Harry before (although I thought that was implied by his interactions wtih Harry), then he was pretty spineless too. Sigh.
BuffySquirrel said... Spineless, or, perhaps, a real person rather than a movie hero?
Jeb said...Frankly, if I met a man's parents and they acted like Cal's did, I'd dump him and run, far and fast. No matter how sexy he is, that's a train wreck happening in slow mo for decades to come. I guess the author did such a good job with all these dysfunctional people that it was ultimately impossible for for me to believe in the 'happily ever after'. The odds against were just too strong.
talpianna said... Jeb, you might take a look at the previous post on my blog--"HEA? No way, Jose!" for what makes an HEA impossible.
sylvia said... Overall I liked it - it was a fun, quick read. Although at the start I thought "oh god, not ANOTHER miserable woman intro" - Homicide My Own and Twilight and this one - now I know how our book club books were chosen. :)
Evil Editor said... There's gonna be stuff I don't buy in any romance, probably any book. All in all, I thought this was excellent. Funny, with several characters I liked.
talpianna said... I loved the wedding--or rather non-wedding--scene. What did you people think of the use of fairy-tale tropes?
sylvia said... The sister wedding sub-plot was not very interesting to me. He was clearly a jerk, she clearly had the wrong intentions, it was simply waiting to see how their wedding or non-wedding was going to help Min and Cal get together. As such, I didn't mind it but I didn't see it as anything deeper than a convenient plot device, to be honest.
Jeb said... re fairy tale tropes, I thought it was interesting that Min had all these 'couple' snow globes that she didn't want, but other people, even those who supposedly knew her best, kept projecting their fantasy about what she wanted onto her. And she never stopped them. It seems so spineless of her. I really enjoyed this book overall, and a lot of it was from the witty dialogue. Like the best scenes in 'Pride & Prejudice' are of Lizzie and Mr. Darcy zinging each other.
BuffySquirrel said... Any fairytale references passed me by. I didn't much like the snow globes, either. Mostly I fumed about the dinky shoes. Why sqrls no can haz dinky shoes?
Dave F. said... Buffy, go back and read about the snow globes. Her family is buying her marriage substitutes.
talpianna said... One thing I found interesting was that so many characters had great insight into the behavior of others but absolutely none into their own.
Sarah Laurenson said... Just popping in. This is what I wrote on my blog: I don’t read much from the romance shelves. I used to occasionally dip into them and see what was going on only to find the same story repeated with the names and locations changed. Being a minion of the great Evil Editor, I’ve had the pleasure of opening a romance novel once again. Bet Me by Jennifer Crusie is wonderfully fresh, with likable, well-drawn characters. I hope this is a sign of the times when it comes to the romance genre. The book drew me in and kept me interested from the first page to the last. Jennifer - Thanks for the realistic, cynical, fun main characters. And the secondary characters are no slouches either.
Evil Editor said... Let's discuss the symbolism of doughnuts.
talpianna said... Hey, Buff--whatever happened to "What I tell you three times is true"?
BuffySquirrel said... Lol, Tal. I guess they expired ;)!
Evil Editor said... I for one don't like chocolate on my doughnuts.
talpianna said... The doughnut of course, symbolizes "One Ring to rule them all, one Ring to bind them...." Only half kidding
talpianna said... And Entenmann's are better than Krispy Kremes. The doughnut cake at the rehearsal dinner made me queasy just reading about it. I like cake doughnuts dusted with either powdered sugar or cinnamon sugar.
talpianna said... I think that for Min the doughnut symbolizes everything in life that she wants, fears won't be good for her, and can't have--like Cal.
Robin S. said... I love chocolate glazed doughnuts. At least I used to.
Jeb said... And Krispy Kreme spent millions trying to penetrate the market up here, but failed in our city for lack of interest (like Starbucks in Vienna - it's patronized almost exclusively by homesick Americans). We Canucks already have decent donuts. The donut motif didn't do it for me, either in the romance or the sex trope.
ril said... Krispy Kreme just opened a couple of places here. There's regularly a two hour queue outside. That's a pretty serious sugar craving, that is.
Evil Editor said... Krispy Kreme is big in the South, Dunkin Donuts in the Northeast.
Sarah Laurenson said... Stan's doughnuts in Westlake Village, CA. Or Southern Maid if you're in the Southern US.
Dave F. said... Crispy Creme makes a cinnamon bun donut that I'd kill for... It is the forbidden fruit of temptation he is the snake and they are in the garden. Even the innocents (Harry) are watching them).
BuffySquirrel said... It has a fair few food as substitute for sex scenes :).
Evil Editor said... It's unrealistic to eat chicken Marsala every night for three months straight.
ChrisEldin said... It's not if you have one of those mango lhasi drinks with it.
Sarah Laurenson said... Eat the same thing every night? Not difficult for computer geeks.
Jeb said... WAY too much chicken marsala in this book! I liked that she learned to cook something, though. Girls my daughter's age think they are at home in a kitchen if they can fix steam-in-bag veggies.
Robin S. said... I'd starve if I had to eat that. yuck.
talpianna said... Buffy, did you ever see the original film of TOM JONES with Albert Finney and Susannah York? There was a great food = sex scene there.
talpianna said... Guess what I'm having for dinner tonight?
Evil Editor said... Donuts?
talpianna said... No--I'm having chicken Marsala. talpianna said... Actually, come to think of it, I DO have some cinnamon-sugar mini-doughnuts.... Isn't it Brenda who is getting married this weekend?
BuffySquirrel said... Umm, no, Tal, I haven't :). Brenda sent me a message but I can't locate it now. Something about hoping to attend. She's traveling, I think.
Robin S. said... Oh yeah - that food/sex scene in the old Tom Jones was fantastic.
talpianna said... For those who like funny romances (mainly romantic suspense) I recommend Jayne Ann Krentz in her various incarnations (JAK, Amanda Quick, Jayne Castle).
Skipper said... Anyone But You is really one of her categories, so you can't lump it in with her stand-alone novels. It was originally a Harlequin, which has restrictions on word count.
BuffySquirrel said... Here we are: Brenda said: I'm not at my own house til July, so it really depends on whether or not I can get online that night. I'm going to try though.
ril said... I didn't manage to read this book but thought I'd drop by and see if I should have. Looks like a yes.
Evil Editor said... Yes ril, I'd call it our second best book, though I expect next month's to move into the top two.
Robin S. said... The next two look wonderful.
Evil Editor said... Is this a typical Crusie book? Are they all funny? Do the others have more sex?
talpianna said... Crusie writes two types of books, really. Her earlier ones, mostly categories, like MANHUNTING and CHARLIE ALL NIGHT, tend to be mainly funny, though there may be a few serious matters. Her later standalones tend to have much darker elements. In CRAZY FOR YOU, the heroine's nicest-guy-in-town fiance turns into a crazed stalker when she breaks up with him. TELL ME LIES has adultery and murder. FAST WOMEN is also darker, but all these have a good deal of humor as well. Many people's favorite is WELCOME TO TEMPTATION, though BET ME is mine.
Robin S. said... What's up with the end-of-book sex? It was pretty good. I wished there'd been more.
Evil Editor said... It's not uncommon for a romance to have three sex scenes.
talpianna said... For some reason, most romances have a sex scene as the penultimate scene, followed by an epilogue-type HEA with them surrounded by children.
Dave F. said... I read FAKING IT a few years ago and it was fun, cute story. About art forgeries and forgers. I gave my Mother "Agnes and the Hitman" for Christmas. I could only get to read about 100 pages but it had me laughing too hard. Christmas came and I had to wrap up Agnes. I'm waiting to grab it off my Mother's bookcase and finish it someday.
talpianna said... Dave, FAKING IT is the sequel to WELCOME TO TEMPTATION and makes more sense if you've read that first. And Canadians--let's hear it for Tim Hortons!
Skipper said... Just joining in.... This is a typical Crusie book in voice; the humor, snappy dialogue and characters are part of what you expect in a Crusie. As for sex, this book is more of a straight romance compared to her other books. Her romantic comedies, especially Welcome to Temptation or Fast Women, or her collaborative novels.
Sarah Laurenson said... I've read two more of hers. They don't quite measure up to this one.
talpianna said... Dave, the pink flamingos are for real. And DON'T LOOK DOWN (not as good as AGNES) had a one-eyed alligator that eats people. Also appears briefly in AGNES. Eats somebody.
Sarah Laurenson said... DON'T LOOK DOWN had a lot of military influence from her co-author. ANYONE BUT YOU was cute, but not as 'deep' as BET ME.
Dave F. said... Aside from dead bodies and hidden chambers in Agnes, there's a wedding that they discuss having a "pink flamingo" theme. You want a dream wedding, put pink plastic flamingos at each table...
Evil Editor said... I had live flamingos on each table at my fourth wedding.
talpianna said... One of the more difficult to understand elements of the romance is the idea of the new society forming at the end centered on the H/H. I thought that was much clearer here, with the gangs of friends melded, Diana included in the group and dumping Wet and Worse, and Min's parents' marriage mended.
ChrisEldin said... From wedding dresses to Krispy Kreme to pink flamingoes.... I'd better click on refresh now.
Sarah Laurenson said... I'm getting married tomorrow. And word count limits suck. Ah well. It's still a cute story.
talpianna said... Sarah, what are your bridesmaids wearing?
ChrisEldin said... Congratulations Sarah!! Let's talk about this for a while. Do you have rings? Will it be outdoor or indoor? Can you bring a computer wit a camera and let us witness? :-)
Evil Editor said... Can you put wedding cake into hundreds of little boxes and mail them to us?
Robin S. said... Brenda AND Sarah are getting married? Wow. This is some 'June wedding' month!
Sarah Laurenson said... Only witness is the friend who used to do wedding photography. Outside at our home with some sort of paralegal or other to do the documents and officiate. Will post photos after we get back from the honeymoon.
BuffySquirrel said... Tal, dear, as moderator you're supposed to keep the chat on track :).
Congrats, Sarah :). Many happy years ahead, I'm sure!
ChrisEldin said... Yes to EE"s idea!
Sarah Laurenson said... Well, EE, there is this little cupcake delivery joint here that makes cupcakes that are much better than any donut.
Dave F. said... It's a gay wedding (in both senses of that word) and I really am happy to hear about it. It's been a long wait but well worth it. Many happy years.
talpianna said... I think I was mistaken about Brenda. Unless she's marrying Sarah?
Sarah Laurenson said... But I would need your address, dear.
Sarah Laurenson said... Me marry Brenda? She's way over my head in sexiness.
Robin S. said... Hey- there are different kinds of sexy.
Jeb said... Yay! A wedding! Congratulations, Sarah! I'll go eat kahlua fudge cheesecake in your honour. 'Bye all. It's been the fastest hour of my recent life.
Sarah Laurenson said... I think I'd like that too much, tal. ;-)
Sarah Laurenson said... Thanks for the great chat and for letting me usurp the ending.
ChrisEldin said... EE usurped it when he kept talking about donuts. :-)
talpianna said... Anyway, Sarah, I hope that your wedding is as different as possible from Diana's! And may you have a little Elvis of your very own.
talpianna said... I'm the Molederator. Does anyone have any further points they want to make about BET ME?
BuffySquirrel said... Only to say that I enjoyed it far more than I expected to. A fun book.
Evil Editor said... I'm told Ms. Crusie is a very entertaining speaker.
Sarah Laurenson said... I'd love to hear her speak. I'd love to meet her. I think she's a fabulous writer.
talpianna said... She is indeed, EE. She and Mayer were at a booksigning here for DON'T LOOK DOWN, and she cracked up the room.
Robin S. said... It would be fun to see her speak. I agree.
talpianna said... Those who enjoy her voice should check out her blog: http://www.arghink.com./
Sarah Laurenson said... My mom loved Bet Me and is passing it around to her friends.
Evil Editor said... The July chat book is To Say Nothing of the Dog, by Connie Willis.
The title comes from the book Three Men in a Boat, to Say Nothing of the Dog, by Jerome K. Jerome, considered one of the funnier books ever written. You don't need to read it to enjoy To Say Nothing of the Dog, but the characters from one do make a cameo appearance in the other, so you might want to do so. I believe you can find Three Men in a Boat online at no cost if you want to read it and prefer not to purchase it.
BuffySquirrel said... I read "Three Men in a Boat" prior to reading "To Say Nothing of the Dog", and thought it hilarious.
Robin S. said... Who's moderating next month?
ril said... Yes, project Gutenburg has "Three Men in A Boat". Another very funny book, though not to everyone's taste. Quaint, perhaps. I wrote a paper on Jerome's books in High School. Guess I might have to try and get hold of next month's books.
BuffySquirrel said... And I sent a copy of "To Say Nothing of the Dog" to my dad, and he's now busily buying up Connie's back catalogue.
talpianna said... I have a copy of TO SAY NOTHING OF THE DOG around here somewhere, presumably in one of the 175 cartons of books that hasn't yet been unpacked.
Evil Editor said... Someone requested moderating duties a while back. I thought it was Buffy.
BuffySquirrel said... It was!
Evil Editor said... Still want it? It's yours.
Robin S. said... Sounds good buff.
Dave F. said... I just downloaded Three Men in a Boat from Project Gutenberg. about 380K
ME said... I just caught up here (It's over!) and thought I would say that this month's chat was much more orderly than earlier ones and extremely funny when you get to the part about Brenda marrying Sarah!!! Great job, minions, better than a review and I think I'll try to get a copy!
Evil Editor said... Thanks for coming, everyone. Thanks Tal.
BuffySquirrel said... H'okay :).
Robin S. said... I'd like to do one at some point.
Evil Editor said... You can have August, Robin.
Robin S. said... OK- if no one else wants it. It looks fascinating to me. And I can read it on vacation.
BuffySquirrel said... Any news on September's Mystery Book, EE?
ril said... Do we know what September is yet? That's the one from the Auction, right?
Evil Editor said... I emailed the winner, but got no response. According to Google, it might prove to be a book in which numerous successful authors are interviewed about how they first got published, but he may have another book in mind.
BuffySquirrel said... Hmm, well, we can't read it if they won't tell us what it is!
Moth said... I'm trying to catch up on the comments. I had to work. *cries* Sorry if this has been covered but I know I wanted to know what people thought about Cal and Bink being in lurv before Min. It came out of left field for me, personally.
Sarah Laurenson said... Cal and Bink? I think it followed as standard from the dysfunctional family setup. Seems to me, Cal is a rescuer. And Bink needed rescued. That's why it takes so long for him to figure out he's attracted for real to Min. She didn't need rescued. Except she really did need rescued from her fat-phobic mom and her own bad self-image.
Moth said... *talking to herself*
Also, my top 5 Crusies for anyone who wants to pick up more are:
1.) Faking It
2.) Bet Me
3.) Agnes and the Hitman (with Bob Mayer)
4.) Fast Women
5.) What the Lady Wants
I'm still sad I missed the whole freakin' book chat. *sigh* Stupid day job.
talpianna said... Moth, they weren't really "in love": it was more like she was depending on him, and she was what he wanted, only more as a foreshadowing of Min that truly as herself--an image of what a woman could and should be: loving, loyal, etc. And I'm surprised that your best Crusies list omits WELCOME TO TEMPTATION and includes WHAT THE LADY WANTS, which I disliked, on the whole.
Phoenix said... Excellent moderating (molerating?), Tal! I lurked live on and off for the first half or so and have just come back to catch up. EE, these book chats are really all going SO well!!
Julie Weathers said... This was a good discussion guys and gals.
Moth said... I do like Welcome to Temptation. It would probably be 6 or 7 on my list, but whatsherface the selfish little sister annoys the hell out of me and I do NOT understand why that one person (you know who) gets away with killing TWO PEOPLE and only has to vote the right way at council meetings to get away with freaking murder.
Pretty much all Crusies are keepers and chronic re-reads for me, though. Faking It and Bet Me just come out tops.
Jennifer Crusie said... Oh, HELL. I missed it. I had to go out and get a faucet because the one that was supposed to be here they told me today was back ordered four to six weeks and the plumber is coming tomorrow . . . This is why I will never promise to do anything ever again. Damn. I am SO SORRY, Tal. I’ve got the plumber and the electrician coming tomorrow and they all need different things and I just forgot. I’m scum. I hate it when I do this. SO sorry, really.
New Beginning 522
They tell me part of my brain was gooping out of a hole in my head and onto the street when they found me. The doctor says they scooped it back in and someone smooshed the skull over it and taped it down.
Later, they picked out small bits of tobacco and grass and dirty road gravel in 14 hours of surgery.
The doctors say they didn’t get all of me and some of me fell into the street and was trampled by all those black boots with their Vibram soles. That part is no longer me at all and is gone for good, but lots of parts of me are still around and that’s a miracle.
I’m special they tell me because I didn’t leave when I was stomped to death. I stuck around somehow and breathed by their machine and waited for myself to come around again. I didn’t do this on purpose--I had no intention of dying like I had no intention of living--but the doctors and the nurses don‘t think like I do. They think I had a will to live and I don’t know what to say to that. I wasn’t there when all of this was happening to me.
They hold me up in front of a mirror to let me see myself, bald, cratered like the moon. That's when I find the despair.
"Don't fret," Doc tells me. "We'll clag some filler in there, smoodge it over, caulk aroung the edges, add some color, you'll be good as new."
"I expected better," I said. "Even from an HMO."
"HMO? Sir, this is Home Depot."
So, I guess I wasn't the first to lose the will to live there.
Opening: Scott from Oregon.....Continuation: anon
Later, they picked out small bits of tobacco and grass and dirty road gravel in 14 hours of surgery.
The doctors say they didn’t get all of me and some of me fell into the street and was trampled by all those black boots with their Vibram soles. That part is no longer me at all and is gone for good, but lots of parts of me are still around and that’s a miracle.
I’m special they tell me because I didn’t leave when I was stomped to death. I stuck around somehow and breathed by their machine and waited for myself to come around again. I didn’t do this on purpose--I had no intention of dying like I had no intention of living--but the doctors and the nurses don‘t think like I do. They think I had a will to live and I don’t know what to say to that. I wasn’t there when all of this was happening to me.
They hold me up in front of a mirror to let me see myself, bald, cratered like the moon. That's when I find the despair.
"Don't fret," Doc tells me. "We'll clag some filler in there, smoodge it over, caulk aroung the edges, add some color, you'll be good as new."
"I expected better," I said. "Even from an HMO."
"HMO? Sir, this is Home Depot."
So, I guess I wasn't the first to lose the will to live there.
Opening: Scott from Oregon.....Continuation: anon
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
New Beginning 521
The car keys wrenched from Hababe Hussein’s fingertips fall to the ground in the Wal Mart parking lot. At the same moment glued to his computer monitor at the Arcadia Operation, Dr. David Justin makes the sound of keys hitting the ground come alive in his mind. Mouse click, Justin puts his computer into sleep mode, locks the door to his office, and heads down the hall to meet his latest challenge.
Ex-military and a psychiatrist, David Justin is now in charge of the operation in Arcadia, California, the smallest of the four covert prisons operating in the United States. It holds up to 22 prisoners at a time. These are the prisoners that need to fall off the face of the earth, one at a time. When they do, usually courtesy of the CIA, they come to places like Arcadia, California, or Dearborn, Michigan, Chicago or New York. And, the Arcadia prison is minute compared to some overseas.
Hababe Hussein sits on a steel chair in the center of a cold, gray room. His hair drips as ripples settle in the tank of water behind him. His eye is bruised and a trickle of blood runs from the corner of his mouth.
"Well?" David Justin adjusts his latex gloves. "Who is the ringleader? How long were you planning this?"
Hussein coughs and stares at his captor's blue shirt and yellow smiley button; he knows he will never again "forget" to pay for a pack of Twinkies.
Opening: Wendy.....Continuation: ril
Ex-military and a psychiatrist, David Justin is now in charge of the operation in Arcadia, California, the smallest of the four covert prisons operating in the United States. It holds up to 22 prisoners at a time. These are the prisoners that need to fall off the face of the earth, one at a time. When they do, usually courtesy of the CIA, they come to places like Arcadia, California, or Dearborn, Michigan, Chicago or New York. And, the Arcadia prison is minute compared to some overseas.
Hababe Hussein sits on a steel chair in the center of a cold, gray room. His hair drips as ripples settle in the tank of water behind him. His eye is bruised and a trickle of blood runs from the corner of his mouth.
"Well?" David Justin adjusts his latex gloves. "Who is the ringleader? How long were you planning this?"
Hussein coughs and stares at his captor's blue shirt and yellow smiley button; he knows he will never again "forget" to pay for a pack of Twinkies.
Opening: Wendy.....Continuation: ril
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Face-Lift 536
Guess the Plot
Suckers
1. Two-year-old Lyle Buffet has an existential crisis when he can't decide between the red lollipop or the orange one. Will he decide before his mother abandons him out of frustration at the grocery store?
2. Lee Trenton knew better than to be afraid of vampires. In fact, he made a fine living off of them, running a scam mail-order coffin service. But when he gets an order from Dracula himself, which one of them will end up being the sucker?
3. When Kalinda has a one-night stand with Steve, she never dreams that she'll soon be taking him home to meet her parents. Or that theyll be followed there by three supernatural beings. Or that Steve is a vampire. All she knows is he's great in the sack, and that makes him a keeper.
4. Graham Payne always knew his calling in life was to be a dentist. But when his wife leaves him for a candy factory owner, his sanity shatters faster than a rotten tooth. Armed with his trusty drill, Graham declares war on sugar--and anyone who sells it.
5. When Julia takes a shortcut through the creek, eight magical leeches attach themselves to her ankles. Julia, pale and feeling weak, climbs into an unattended dryer at the launderette and undergoes a transformation akin to that of Gregor Samsa without the hardshell: she becomes one of the . . . Suckers!
6. Paul Taylor Barnum's Freak Show isn't just entertainment, it's escape. For years, Paul's been running it as an cross-dimensional underground railway, helping refugees from across the multiverse relocate in more friendly worlds. But when the locals start to catch on, and publicity threatens to close down the circus, Paul has to pull the greatest con ever and hope that his great-great-grandfather was right.
Original Version
Dear Evil Editor,
I am seeking representation for my urban fantasy novel, SUCKERS, complete at 100,000 words.
When Kalinda's one-night stand disappears before dawn, she's bummed out but not too surprised. The surprise comes when he reappears weeks later, waking her up from a horrible dream about banana crumb cake, [There's a limit to how horrible a dream about banana crumb cake can be. Did she accidentally use crushed red pepper instead of sugar in the recipe? Thank God her one-night stand broke into her house while she was sleeping and woke her before she served it to the Ladies' Auxiliary Club.] and says he's a vampire. She's still trying to wrap her head around the idea that a guy named Steve is a vampire—and wondering what kind of blood-borne pathogens she might have gotten from him— [If someone tells me he's a vampire, I'm not trying to wrap my head around the idea until I see him morph into a bat.] when he admits that he's being hunted...and they've followed him to Kalinda's apartment. He doesn't know why they're after him, but the math is simple. Three supernaturals against one vampire and one human means that it's time to run. Even worse: the only safe place Kalinda can think of is her parents' house. [Why does Kalinda have to run? Won't the hunters just follow Steve if he runs?]
Kalinda's career as a freelance technical writer did nothing to prepare her for this. Mysterious figures are prowling around the house, her parents' desire for grandchildren is resulting in a disturbing level of interest in her sex life, and she's trying to figure out whether Steve really has any feelings for her or whether the only thing they have in common is a desire not to be eviscerated. [The undead. It's so hard to read them.] The two of them trap the hunters only to discover that they've been hunting Steve for the wrong reasons. [I hate it when that happens.] Either there's been a horrible miscommunication or someone is out to get Steve. When they discover Steve's kitchen drenched in blood with a message written in blood on the table, they figure it's probably the latter. [That depends on the message. There's a difference between Hey Steve, dropped in and borrowed a couple beers, See you tonight--Tom and Die, Spawn of Satan.]
As they try to figure out how to keep themselves and Kalinda's family safe from the master vampire stalking them, Kalinda wonders about something else, too. Is she safe from Steve, or is the crush spawned weeks ago by an eighties song reference and a bottle of domestic not-light beer going to lead to her death? All she knows about Steve is that he was fantastic in bed and her parents love him: one positive, one negative. [Two negatives: you forgot the one where he subsists on the blood of living humans.] Does she have enough courage to deal with bloodsucking killers or a potential relationship with Steve? Are those different questions?
She'll tackle those questions later. Right now, things are getting weird(er), as it becomes clear that there's more to this than a little confusion over whether Steve killed his maker. Kalinda has a sneaking suspicion that despite all their attempts to hide, the master vampire knows exactly where they are and is just playing with them—but playing means that people keep dying; every new message means another person's death. The few vampires that Steve has met in his five-month life as a bloodsucker are nowhere to be found. The best plan that he, Kalinda, and their newfound enemies-turned-allies [When did this happen?] can come up with is to go after the master vamp in his own lair. [So the math is now four supernaturals and a human against one vampire? Piece of cake.]
Sometimes, the best plan is still a very bad one.
I'd be happy to send you sample chapters or the full manuscript at your request. While this is my first novel, I have had short stories published in [several places]. Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
Notes
It's too long. You have four long plot paragraphs, and three is plenty. I'd delete the fourth one, as most of the sentences assume we know things you haven't told us. There's been no mention of Steve killing his maker or new messages or vampires Steve has met or the enemies becoming allies.
When you have a crush on a guy and he tells you he's a vampire, whether you believe him or not you are well-advised to seek alternative companionship. Especially if the second time you saw him was the night he broke into your house and woke you from a dream about cake.
Face-Lift ??
Guess the Plot
Book Roast
1. It looks like Book Roast, where books are served up juicy, is going to be a fun place to hang out. That is until Miss Savannah Spitfire shows up, skewers in hand, ready to have a go at whoever wanders into the book-and-grill. Also, a troll.
2. It's 2043, the world lives virtually, and print books have been declared illegal in this chilling update of Fahrenheit 451. Can a group of outcasts and scofflaws keep the last surviving hard copies of Novel Deviations out of the flames? Also, a cameo paragraph written by Ray Bradbury.
3. Illiterate chef, Rambo Ratouse, thinks a request for a new cookbook is a request for a cooked book. Hilarity ensues as he spends the next five years of his life whipping up dishes such as filet de folio, BBQ spines, and his specialty ... Book Roast.
4. With poetry slams so yesterday, an eclectic group of college students comes up with the next literary fad: book roasts. The concept is simple. Read aloud a favorite page then feed it to the fire. What emerges from the smoking pages is a fleeting art form that truly transcends time and language.
5. When Fred Faust mistakes a red satin bookmark for the Mark of the Beast, he consigns the book he's reading, Novel Deviations IV, to the fires of hell. Little does he expect the revolution that book will incite when Lucifer gets his scaly hands on it and refuses to share.
6. A dozen literary classics gather in a back room of the Library of Congress to honor and poke fun at The Da Vinci Code. Hilarity ensues.
Original Version
Can five unlikely chefs cook up the courage to open a book-and-grill, tenderize some pages and spice up a few hundred words -- all without leaving a few brand marks along the way?
Master Roaster R'hino T'hong is determined to whip her zesty vision of a flavorful new dining experience into a fully baked reality. To do it, she enlists the help of four overcharred and underpaid sous chefs: a blowhard troll, a mountain wanderer, a legendary bird and a sharp-forked Aussie. With only a handful of days to get the grill scrubbed, the charcoal lit and the specials of the day snared, the raw talents of the newly basted roast masters are put to the fire.
But just as the egg timer runs out, saucy Savannah Spitfire, southern-fried culinary vixen, appears and things start to really heat up. Now it's up to R'hino T'hong to hold Miss Spitfire to a simmer and add a pinch of humour to the situation before the proverbial pot boils over.
Our credits include many well-seasoned comments published across the Internet at hot and spicy sites like this.
Done to perfection, BOOK ROAST is a juicy multi-genre romp that will have you coming back for seconds. We'll be happy to send you the complete menu. Or click here for a sample taste.
Sin-searedly,
The Roast Masters
Book Roast
1. It looks like Book Roast, where books are served up juicy, is going to be a fun place to hang out. That is until Miss Savannah Spitfire shows up, skewers in hand, ready to have a go at whoever wanders into the book-and-grill. Also, a troll.
2. It's 2043, the world lives virtually, and print books have been declared illegal in this chilling update of Fahrenheit 451. Can a group of outcasts and scofflaws keep the last surviving hard copies of Novel Deviations out of the flames? Also, a cameo paragraph written by Ray Bradbury.
3. Illiterate chef, Rambo Ratouse, thinks a request for a new cookbook is a request for a cooked book. Hilarity ensues as he spends the next five years of his life whipping up dishes such as filet de folio, BBQ spines, and his specialty ... Book Roast.
4. With poetry slams so yesterday, an eclectic group of college students comes up with the next literary fad: book roasts. The concept is simple. Read aloud a favorite page then feed it to the fire. What emerges from the smoking pages is a fleeting art form that truly transcends time and language.
5. When Fred Faust mistakes a red satin bookmark for the Mark of the Beast, he consigns the book he's reading, Novel Deviations IV, to the fires of hell. Little does he expect the revolution that book will incite when Lucifer gets his scaly hands on it and refuses to share.
6. A dozen literary classics gather in a back room of the Library of Congress to honor and poke fun at The Da Vinci Code. Hilarity ensues.
Original Version
Can five unlikely chefs cook up the courage to open a book-and-grill, tenderize some pages and spice up a few hundred words -- all without leaving a few brand marks along the way?
Master Roaster R'hino T'hong is determined to whip her zesty vision of a flavorful new dining experience into a fully baked reality. To do it, she enlists the help of four overcharred and underpaid sous chefs: a blowhard troll, a mountain wanderer, a legendary bird and a sharp-forked Aussie. With only a handful of days to get the grill scrubbed, the charcoal lit and the specials of the day snared, the raw talents of the newly basted roast masters are put to the fire.
But just as the egg timer runs out, saucy Savannah Spitfire, southern-fried culinary vixen, appears and things start to really heat up. Now it's up to R'hino T'hong to hold Miss Spitfire to a simmer and add a pinch of humour to the situation before the proverbial pot boils over.
Our credits include many well-seasoned comments published across the Internet at hot and spicy sites like this.
Done to perfection, BOOK ROAST is a juicy multi-genre romp that will have you coming back for seconds. We'll be happy to send you the complete menu. Or click here for a sample taste.
Sin-searedly,
The Roast Masters
Monday, June 23, 2008
New Beginning 520
"Ti! Do! Re-Do-Ti! Re-Do-Ti! Re-Do-Ti!"
I look at my alarm clock. Four in the effing morning.
"One-two-three-four! One-two-three-four! One-two-three! One-two-three-four! One-two-three! One-two-three-four!"
Refusing to get out of bed, I reach down to the floor in hopes of finding something to rap against it. My hand finds a shoe, and I bang it down three times. The repetitious solfege and counting stops. I hold the shoe up, my arm poised to strike the floor again if the singing returns. Silence. I drop the shoe on the floor, burrow back underneath my covers and close my eyes.
"DOOOOOOOO! TI-TI-DO! RE-RE-DE-MI! FA! LA! SOOOOOOO!!!"
I lurch into a sitting position. The solfege grows louder, shrilling into higher and higher notes. I hold my hands up in defeat.
"Alright," I croak. "Okay. I'm up. What do you want?"
The neon numbers blink at me and a soft, lilting voice says, "Oh, nothing..."
I bury my head in my hands and curse the Sharper Image catalogue to hell. Why didn't I buy the male Personality Alarm?
Opening: Xiexie.....Continuation: anon.
I look at my alarm clock. Four in the effing morning.
"One-two-three-four! One-two-three-four! One-two-three! One-two-three-four! One-two-three! One-two-three-four!"
Refusing to get out of bed, I reach down to the floor in hopes of finding something to rap against it. My hand finds a shoe, and I bang it down three times. The repetitious solfege and counting stops. I hold the shoe up, my arm poised to strike the floor again if the singing returns. Silence. I drop the shoe on the floor, burrow back underneath my covers and close my eyes.
"DOOOOOOOO! TI-TI-DO! RE-RE-DE-MI! FA! LA! SOOOOOOO!!!"
I lurch into a sitting position. The solfege grows louder, shrilling into higher and higher notes. I hold my hands up in defeat.
"Alright," I croak. "Okay. I'm up. What do you want?"
The neon numbers blink at me and a soft, lilting voice says, "Oh, nothing..."
I bury my head in my hands and curse the Sharper Image catalogue to hell. Why didn't I buy the male Personality Alarm?
Opening: Xiexie.....Continuation: anon.
What is Romance?
Tal professes to know, and has placed a study guide on her blog for those who plan to attend the Bet Me book chat Thursday (7 PM eastern). Here it is.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Face-Lift 535
Guess the Plot
Werewolf
1. By day he's an entrepreneur hunting business deals. By night, John Faustus tears the flesh of those he hunts. Hey, it's not personal; it's just business. But will John change his ways when he learns he's gotten another werewolf pregnant?
2. Under the light of the full moon, Rod undergoes a horrifying and painful transformation, losing his humanity and replacing it with claws, teeth, fur, and a lust for blood, in a story unlike anything else ever writ-- What do you mean it's been done before? Crap.
3. Joel Van Sandt, trucker, specializes in dangerous jobs. If it's corrosive, flammable, or just plain nasty, he and Werewolf, his customized Peterbilt, have hauled it. He's ready to retire when Hank, an old friend, asks him to make one last delivery of nitro to a coal fire. Is this the end for Werewolf? Or will its last haul be a final victory?
4. When you hit puberty, you start growing hair in all kinds of places, but not as many as Jason McEwe. At first, it's kind of fun being the hairiest boy in school, but then the prettiest girl Jason has ever seen takes notice of him. Suddenly, Jason's no longer so keen on being the school mascot and is looking instead for a full-body electrolysis salon.
5. Werewolves, weredingos, werecats: it's a new world out there at night since the virus that turns creatures into hairy monsters has taken over. Sarah doesn't know it yet, but she's just inherited an amulet that will protect her and a silver bullet factory that will make her the heroine of her time--and rich beyond her wildest dreams.
6. Kiki has a problem. Every full moon, she hopes and prays things will change--that she'll be healthy, normal, and finally happy. But every month, to her horror, she stays human. Tired of being left out of the pack, Kiki decides to integrate into normal society. But can a girl used to identifying potential mates by smell handle clubbing and college?
Original Version
Dear Editor/Agent,
John Faustus takes the deal. He can live but in return he will be host to a psychic entity. The entity gives him women, wealth, and power, but it it will control him, will change his memories and even change him physically. By day he is an entrepreneur hunting business deals. At night he tears the flesh of those he hunts. John Faustus has become a werewolf. [A rich, powerful, oversexed werewolf. It was worth it.]
For a while he excuses his actions, abetted by the werewolf's changes to his memories. But as parasite and host learn about each other, they increasingly come to oppose one another. John defies the werewolf, [I thought John was the werewolf. (See final sentence of previous paragraph.)] though he suffers for it. John also forms a bond with another werewolf who seems to be a salvation for him. But Vali drives her away, pregnant with John's child. [Vali? Who's Vali?] John continues to gain power but is universally distrusted. [You gotta expect a little distrust when you spend your nights tearing flesh.]
The war goes to a new level. [War?] John enters the werewolf's [Which werewolf?] otherworld of an endless black sea. The corpses of all those Vali [You keep mentioning that name.] has killed through a centuries float in formation as earth gathers and shifts like clouds around them. Here John learns more about the werewolf, and knows he must stop Vali, the original werewolf.
John Faustus ties up loose ends in this world [He makes out a will, puts his house on the market and pays off his credit cards. Do we really need to know that?] before reentering the otherworld for a final confrontation with the werewolf [Which werewolf?] which one of them, perhaps neither of them, can survive.
Werewolf is a 75,000 word dark fantasy. My previous works include seven books. [If these are published, give details. (Also, why don't you have an agent writing your query letters?) If they're unpublished, they aren't worth mentioning.] I enclose synopsis plus sample. I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours Sincerely
Notes
Referring to the psychic entity/parasite as the werewolf is confusing. You've already got John, who has become a werewolf, and Vali, the original werewolf, and the pregnant werewolf. If the psychic entity were actually a werewolf, it wouldn't need Faustus. It would just tear flesh.
Do Vali and the pregnant werewolf also have psychic entities in them?
How can Faustus hope to win a confrontation on a world that's an endless black sea? You can do the dog paddle only so long.
Are your werewolves full mooners, or nightlies? If Vali's been killing nightly for centuries, he's got over 100,000 corpses floating in formation in a sea. You have to admire the patience he must have to keep that going.
Friday, June 20, 2008
New Beginning 519
“Lydia is a lucky girl, and a very pretty one too. The little marks on her face will be gone in a couple of months. If she continues her physical therapy, both her eyes will appear and move almost identically by the time school starts.”
Second Lieutenant Brett Johnson spoke easily - the words were mostly true. The ‘little marks’ were in fact a network of ugly red scars, but they would heal – the bacteria used to infect them had been treated quickly. Brett was the neurosurgeon who had hooked up her optic nerves to her artificial eye.
“Thank you doctor. I really appreciate the wonderful job you did.”
Brett kept his face solemn with an effort. He remembered the grey haired grandmother’s dismay at the youth of the surgeon who would be operating on her new ward. The Unificationists had attacked a rural town hundreds of miles from anything of military value – or any major hospital. It had been faster to send a Space Force emergency landing shuttle from Brett’s ship the Defender than try and divert resources from elsewhere on the planet Roundhouse.
Brett shook the woman's hand. "This is state of the art technology, Ma'am. Electromagnetic focusing, gps positioning, superior night vision, laser targeting, and it's a perfect match for--"
"Uh, laser targeting, doctor?"
"Yes ma'am. Lydia could take out a whole platoon in the, heh, blink of an eye."
"Doctor, I--"
"By the way, does Lydia have a boyfriend?"
"What?"
"Better tell him he doesn't want to make her cry. This thing has a hair trigger; don't want any accidents."
Brett grinned at Lydia and winked. Lydia winked back. The lights went out.
Opening: David Weisman.....Continuation: ril
Second Lieutenant Brett Johnson spoke easily - the words were mostly true. The ‘little marks’ were in fact a network of ugly red scars, but they would heal – the bacteria used to infect them had been treated quickly. Brett was the neurosurgeon who had hooked up her optic nerves to her artificial eye.
“Thank you doctor. I really appreciate the wonderful job you did.”
Brett kept his face solemn with an effort. He remembered the grey haired grandmother’s dismay at the youth of the surgeon who would be operating on her new ward. The Unificationists had attacked a rural town hundreds of miles from anything of military value – or any major hospital. It had been faster to send a Space Force emergency landing shuttle from Brett’s ship the Defender than try and divert resources from elsewhere on the planet Roundhouse.
Brett shook the woman's hand. "This is state of the art technology, Ma'am. Electromagnetic focusing, gps positioning, superior night vision, laser targeting, and it's a perfect match for--"
"Uh, laser targeting, doctor?"
"Yes ma'am. Lydia could take out a whole platoon in the, heh, blink of an eye."
"Doctor, I--"
"By the way, does Lydia have a boyfriend?"
"What?"
"Better tell him he doesn't want to make her cry. This thing has a hair trigger; don't want any accidents."
Brett grinned at Lydia and winked. Lydia winked back. The lights went out.
Opening: David Weisman.....Continuation: ril
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Q & A 149 How can I avoid stodge?
Editing my WIP notes, I keep coming across long passages I wrote a while ago which, thanks to your blog, I now realise are simply paragraphs of backstory. So — an abundance of 'has's and 'was's. Not illegal, but, perhaps, not necessary.
When does necessary and readable backstory meander into narrative-stifling stodge? How can necessary backstory remain engaging?
I'm seldom bothered by backstory when reading. It takes a hit here because we're looking at the first 150 - 200 words. People figure if your present-time book can't go 150 words without backtracking to something that happened five years earlier, maybe your book should start five years earlier. I suddenly realize that my response is meandering into exposition-stifling stodge.
If one of your characters can reveal the backstory to a character who doesn't already know it, that's usually better than having the narrator reveal it. It's also best to reveal it long before the reader needs it, not in the paragraph before its significance becomes apparent.
If your narrator must reveal it, I think you'll find that when the necessary backstory concerns steamy sex or an obsessed serial killer, it manages to remain engaging. When the necessary backstory concerns the time the main character's aunt punished him for stealing a cookie when he was six years old, it has a tendency to meander into narrative-stifling stodge.
More engaging would be to recount the time the main character stole a Ferrari when he was six years old and took it on a joyride through Manhattan.
In other words, it's fiction and you're the author. If your backstory isn't engaging, come up with better backstory.
When does necessary and readable backstory meander into narrative-stifling stodge? How can necessary backstory remain engaging?
I'm seldom bothered by backstory when reading. It takes a hit here because we're looking at the first 150 - 200 words. People figure if your present-time book can't go 150 words without backtracking to something that happened five years earlier, maybe your book should start five years earlier. I suddenly realize that my response is meandering into exposition-stifling stodge.
If one of your characters can reveal the backstory to a character who doesn't already know it, that's usually better than having the narrator reveal it. It's also best to reveal it long before the reader needs it, not in the paragraph before its significance becomes apparent.
If your narrator must reveal it, I think you'll find that when the necessary backstory concerns steamy sex or an obsessed serial killer, it manages to remain engaging. When the necessary backstory concerns the time the main character's aunt punished him for stealing a cookie when he was six years old, it has a tendency to meander into narrative-stifling stodge.
More engaging would be to recount the time the main character stole a Ferrari when he was six years old and took it on a joyride through Manhattan.
In other words, it's fiction and you're the author. If your backstory isn't engaging, come up with better backstory.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
New Beginning 518
Sarah smiled to herself; the song over the loudspeaker was an amazingly cheesy movie theme. She looked over the sales rack, but nothing was standing out. Leaning down to pick up her bags, she made eye contact with a young man looking at men's shoes nearby. He was tall, deeply tan with blonde hair and green eyes. He was also the best looking guy she had ever seen. He smiled at her, then looked toward the speakers.
"Great music, huh?" he said, flashing that gorgeous smile again.
Sarah smiled, blushing. She was about to reply, when suddenly her face went wide with terror. Dropping her bags, she turned and sprinted for the exit.
The young man swore softly, pulling out a cell. "She's on her way out." He picked up her bags and calmly walked out in the same direction.
"So . . . " Martin hit pause on the video player. "What did Graham do wrong?"
The young men and women shuffled uneasily in their seats, trying not to catch Martin's eye.
"Well?"
Someone coughed. Taking a deep breath, Sue raised her hand and said, "He should have engaged her in polite conversation before letting her see the Watchtower magazine?"
"Exactly!" Martin scanned the room. "Luckily," he went on, "Daniel was stationed outside with a copy of Awake!" He reached for the play button.
Opening: Kiersten.....Continuation: anon.
"Great music, huh?" he said, flashing that gorgeous smile again.
Sarah smiled, blushing. She was about to reply, when suddenly her face went wide with terror. Dropping her bags, she turned and sprinted for the exit.
The young man swore softly, pulling out a cell. "She's on her way out." He picked up her bags and calmly walked out in the same direction.
"So . . . " Martin hit pause on the video player. "What did Graham do wrong?"
The young men and women shuffled uneasily in their seats, trying not to catch Martin's eye.
"Well?"
Someone coughed. Taking a deep breath, Sue raised her hand and said, "He should have engaged her in polite conversation before letting her see the Watchtower magazine?"
"Exactly!" Martin scanned the room. "Luckily," he went on, "Daniel was stationed outside with a copy of Awake!" He reached for the play button.
Opening: Kiersten.....Continuation: anon.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
New Beginning 517
It’s a minute past 18:25:43 — a thousand years and a minute since I first sat down here.
The mark hasn’t shown up yet. But he will.
alisononderson8109 wipes a cloth over my visual hub and tops up the glass on the table.
Soon, the lights will go out and we will sit together in the silence, pretending to be still. Standby and Red Alert.
And in the morning, the same unrecognisable faces will gather; a procession of the beguiled witless, shimmering through centrics of glass.
Will it move today? Will it speak?
I think not.
alisonanderson8109 teleports outside and titivates the souvenirs. I have keyrings, holo-buddies and ceremnemonic upgrades — all of them half-cocked nonsense. Tales spun of nothing in vacuums.
So. The lights dim again. All register of the tangible, now this. Each buzzing electron sapped of glow, yet still spinning, evident.
They are shrill, idiotic and wrong. I process their chatter because I find I must. Their fixed breath of hush and their swarm. It quiets the incessant hum. In the dark, this incessant hum.
At precisely 18:25:44 on ninthyear 0603-2069 the unthinkable happens.
It Moves.
alisonanderson8109 appears onstage as a million holo-buddies and ceramic bone-burners sparkle in the darkness. She tosses keyrings as she weaves among the cables and ports, reanimating the off-world bio-centric glass and carbons. She is tangible nonsense to the D degree{scion#@%}. The incessant hum surges in an audial “wave” and through my visual hub I spot the mark, but I am pretending not to so I watch the activity on stage.
alisonanderson8109 teleports to my side and in the humming, buzzing, electron-sapped darkness, the reverb from the disturbance causes the mega-watt subwoofers to short-circuit the flashing Red Alert signs at every exit as the amplified voice of legends spun from vacuum greets the hushed swarm.
It Speaks.
It is part carbonfiber/glassfission borg and the subject/object of a million myths and a thousand years and two minutes of anticipation. I am beside myself with the conflict between a millennium of evolutionary progress turning on the dime of my precise execution of the designated mark and the need to devote every fiber of my being to the appreciation of the phenomenal re-animation and canorous performance of Mick Jagger as he swaggers into the spotlight and with a practiced lilt says, “Good Evening, Ladies and Gentlemen, Are You Ready to Rock and Roll?”
Opening: WO.....Continuation: ME
The mark hasn’t shown up yet. But he will.
alisononderson8109 wipes a cloth over my visual hub and tops up the glass on the table.
Soon, the lights will go out and we will sit together in the silence, pretending to be still. Standby and Red Alert.
And in the morning, the same unrecognisable faces will gather; a procession of the beguiled witless, shimmering through centrics of glass.
Will it move today? Will it speak?
I think not.
alisonanderson8109 teleports outside and titivates the souvenirs. I have keyrings, holo-buddies and ceremnemonic upgrades — all of them half-cocked nonsense. Tales spun of nothing in vacuums.
So. The lights dim again. All register of the tangible, now this. Each buzzing electron sapped of glow, yet still spinning, evident.
They are shrill, idiotic and wrong. I process their chatter because I find I must. Their fixed breath of hush and their swarm. It quiets the incessant hum. In the dark, this incessant hum.
At precisely 18:25:44 on ninthyear 0603-2069 the unthinkable happens.
It Moves.
alisonanderson8109 appears onstage as a million holo-buddies and ceramic bone-burners sparkle in the darkness. She tosses keyrings as she weaves among the cables and ports, reanimating the off-world bio-centric glass and carbons. She is tangible nonsense to the D degree{scion#@%}. The incessant hum surges in an audial “wave” and through my visual hub I spot the mark, but I am pretending not to so I watch the activity on stage.
alisonanderson8109 teleports to my side and in the humming, buzzing, electron-sapped darkness, the reverb from the disturbance causes the mega-watt subwoofers to short-circuit the flashing Red Alert signs at every exit as the amplified voice of legends spun from vacuum greets the hushed swarm.
It Speaks.
It is part carbonfiber/glassfission borg and the subject/object of a million myths and a thousand years and two minutes of anticipation. I am beside myself with the conflict between a millennium of evolutionary progress turning on the dime of my precise execution of the designated mark and the need to devote every fiber of my being to the appreciation of the phenomenal re-animation and canorous performance of Mick Jagger as he swaggers into the spotlight and with a practiced lilt says, “Good Evening, Ladies and Gentlemen, Are You Ready to Rock and Roll?”
Opening: WO.....Continuation: ME
Monday, June 16, 2008
Synopsis 11
Guess the Plot
The Syntax of Things
1. Zila sees words instead of hearing them, forcing her to understand the world as a pile of objects. Jon, a deaf-mute, is the only one who understands her. Can they find love while solving the murder of Dr. Startop?
2. Adair dumped Neil years ago in Paris. Now Neil has died and Adair flies home to attend his funeral. But when she runs into Alan they decide to skip the service and fly to Paris. Is this a good thing? A bad thing? Or just . . . The Syntax of Things?
3. The sequel to The Parameters of Crap and The Language of Stuff follows Rudolph Wilmont, linguist to the stars as he plunges into the Hollywood spotlight. A high-powered publicist calls Rudy in to strengthen Polly Warner's interview skills before her movie's promotional tour. Rudy has his hands full when he realizes his client is a beautiful dyslexic mute.
4. In the pyoneer colony on the world Neptyne, the Puritans have once agayn taken control. They have placed a punityve tax on all vyces, including the syn of mammon, or excessyve acquisityon of thyngs. One young boy fyghts to retain hys rock collection as hys fryghtened mother tryes to toss it away before they are hyt wyth a tax so hygh they could starve if they had to pay it.
5. David is 45 and autistic. One day while his helper Jenny watches him, she realizes he sees objects as words that need to be combined to be understood. Can Jenny help him learn to speak before he kills someone? Also, a blind Chinese girl.
6. When Paulo discovers a parasitic lobster attached to his spine, he visits grammarian Lloyd Pflatzberg, who assists in preparing Paulo for a visit to spine surgeon Ken Thesko, and the language barrier he's sure to encounter.
Original Version
Adair Sullivan has done the impossible: she has escaped her past. At age 23, she has moved away, found a steady job, and is pursuing the normal, settled-down life she has yearned for since childhood. One afternoon, she comes home to find a letter waiting from Johnson City, her tiny Texas hometown. Neil O'Conor, her once-best friend, once-lover, the very reason she has been trying to escape, has died, and Adair is to come back for the funeral. [That makes it sound like she's been ordered to go back.] [I can't say I knew Neil that well, but based on the rumors, if all his ex-lovers have been ordered back for his funeral, they're going to need to hold it in a football stadium.] In a state of shock, she flies back to her hometown. Struggling with her own emotions as well as the painful circumstances that tore her from her old community, Adair reaches Johnson City, where she has no place to stay but with Neil's family: his parents, his sister Edie, and, two surprising, unwelcome additions: Neil's fiancée and son.
[Fiancée: Hi, I was Neil's fiancée, and this is our son.
Adair: You two are unwelcome here.]
Adair, feeling an abyss between herself and the others, goes to the funeral alone and wonders at the hypocrisy of the very unconventional Neil having a normal Baptist service. [Yes, where does he get off?] She sees an old friend, Alan, there and in homage to Neil they skip the service to revisit a landmark of their combined pasts. [The Motel 6 where they had a night of passion while Neil was visiting his dying Aunt Jo.] Their judgment distorted by grief, they decide to go to Paris, mirroring a trip they all took together years ago. They depart the next morning, after Adair visits Neil's room for the last time, collecting memories and discovering in his desk a sealed letter addressed to her. It is forgotten in her rush to leave before anyone catches her prying. [This makes it sound like she forgot to take it with her.]
When they arrive in Paris, Adair is glad to be back in the element of her youth. But along with the happy memories comes a deluge of painful ones and in a series of flashbacks and dreams she remembers, finally, the events that tore her and Neil apart. She is overcome with a sense of dread that, by leaving Neil as she did in Paris years ago, she left everything that was good in her life. Alan finds her sitting in a gutter alone and takes her back to their hotel room. [Paris is a pretty big place in which to just happen to run into the only person in the city you know. Was Alan searching all the gutters for Adair?] They talk; it is cathartic for both. Adair remembers the letter she took from Neil's room; she holds it reverently, nearly opens it, thinking it could somehow hold the answers she is looking for. But, in a final act of letting go, she throws the letter into the fire, and as she does, [she recalls that he never paid back that fifty thousand dollars he owed her. Uh oh. As the flames leap higher she realizes that now it's gonna be a real long time before] she begins to heal.
Notes
In the first sentence Adair has escaped her past. In the last sentence she finally begins to heal. I would think escaping her past implies that she had at least begun to heal.
I'm no expert on the protocol when informing a person of the death of someone whose funeral she might wish to attend, but when the someone is far enough away that she would need to book a flight, sending a letter instead of phoning seems unnecessarily time consuming.
Also, is Adair aware of the existence of the fiancée and son? If so, it shouldn't be so unexpected that they're with Neil's parents. If not, I'm surprised the person who wrote to inform her Neil died didn't inform her he had a kid and was engaged.
If Johnson City is her hometown, how is it Paris returns her to the element of her youth? How old was she in her youth?
Although your title doesn't matter, since they'll change it, it wouldn't hurt to come up with one that has at least an infinitesimal chance of being used. You don't want them rejecting the book without reading the query just because they fear it's as boring as the title.
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