Sunday, November 09, 2008

Elevator Pitch 5

At my last therapy session, Dr. Dick suggested that singing might be a good way to combat my feelings of claustrophobia when riding in elevators, so I was in the middle of “Little Red Corvette” when the car stopped on the 4th floor. A portly gent with grey muttonchops, busily tapping the tiny keypad of a PDA, stepped in and jabbed the button for the 35th floor without looking up. I recognized him at once. He was none other than Evil Editor, the most famous editor in the whole world.

“Excuse me, sir,” I said, but he kept texting.

I tried again. “Hey, aren’t you Evil Editor?” I asked.

No response.

Just then he looked up and I noticed the wires leading to an ipod nestled in his vest pocket. Without thinking, I reached over and gently tugged one wire.

“What the hell?” he sputtered. His bright blue eyes squinted in anger, but at least I had his attention.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude, but you are Evil Editor, blogger extraordinaire, aren’t you?”

“And what of it?” he snapped, fumbling for the earbud.

I was having trouble breathing, partly from the excitement of meeting Evil Editor in the flesh, and partly because I was beginning to feel just a bit crowded; he was a rather large fellow, after all. Struggling to regain my composure, I was just about to launch into my pitch when I heard the tinny strains of a familiar tune emitting from the still dangling earbud. Evil had my song on his playlist! I grabbed the little nub, shoved it in my ear and began singing along with Prince. The look on Evil’s face was a cross between repugnance and disgust. I was still singing when the elevator doors slid open, the earbud popped out of my ear and Evil rushed out. At that point I realized I had missed a golden opportunity. I had been practically toe-to-toe with the most famous editor in the world and I had failed to pitch my novel. But it was Saturday night; I guess that makes it all right. I wonder what Dr. Dick will say.



Sarah Laurenson said...

Love this, Meri. Singing in his face attached to his earbud. What fun!

Dave F. said...

You stuck someone else's earbuds in your ears? Eeuuw, ear cooties!.
I laugh so hard I almost died on a Crispy Creme cinnamon bun.

freddie said...

Any story that refers to Prince is all riiiiight with meeee.

Oh wait. That was Rick James. Although I'm thinking "Superfreak" here would have worked as well. ; )

This was great, though. I laughed out loud, hard.

sylvia said...

I'll be singing this all evening now! Very silly and fun :)

WouldBe said...

Meri, you've illustrated why people have claustrophobia in elevators. Good meta-story.

Robin S. said...

Good one, Meri!

Weaving that Corvette line in there was a good one. Satuday night. Oh yeah.

ril said...

Presumably, then, you're both seeing Dr. Dick. As it were.

Very funny!

Whirlochre said...

So much for the Evil formerly known as Pure...