Sunday, September 21, 2008

Pirate-Speak Eulogy 1

‘And blessèd be mine minions,’ cried Evil, swaggering across the poop. ‘Aha, me hearties, thou art briney-eyed and muchly rummed of spunk.’

‘Punk. Punk. Punk. Aaaaark.’

He stroked the ageing parrot perched on the cliché of his shoulder — gently, as it only had one leg.

‘Mine timbers wert ever a-shiver, when ‘pon the Sabbath, their precious bounty they didst deliver.’

‘Aaaaaark!’

‘And with sails a-set each dawn of ever morrows, mine bluest beard didst sublimest quiver whene’er, from yon booty locker, aloft, I hoisted Jimladdiest of scrolls. Bountiful treasure maps, aaaaar, drawn by rubied souls.’

Evil’s gaze settled on the tip of his question mark hook. He licked his lips and peered into the glaring sunlight through phantom eyepatches.

‘I didst truly, for their ears, a heartiest beseech a-cry — yet for what, mine selfless plunder? Yon Blog Of The Century Award? Yon luxury cruise?’

‘Aaaaaark! Agachooobabe.’

Evil dashed the parrot’s brains against the hull with the relentless rhythm of Johnny Depp testing his lips for puckeriness in a mirror.

Then he was sick, empty saliva sick.

Ten years to train that bird.

*

Wiping his mouth, Evil turned to face the island.

‘Brigands of the night, I say: thou wilt not take them. Thou wilt not, into thy sargassoes foul, subsume mine only cargo.’

He called out again and again, till his whispers floated as flotsam and jetsam on the silence. In the lifeboat’s lurid husk, he breathed his final shanty.

aaaaar

aaaaar

aaaaaaaaaaaaa—

--wo

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I started at the top and commented when moved. (Except for Evil's;I'm still thinking on that) I know I just told Bill H. that his was the b of b, but yours struck me as very, very well written, and well, almost a poem, in a way. I really liked it. The humour was subtle and the pathos quite real. Bravo, wo!

Meri

Robin S. said...

a heartiest beseech a-cry — yet for what, mine selfless plunder? Yon Blog Of The Century Award? Yon luxury cruise?’

‘Aaaaaark! Agachooobabe.’


Wonderful stuff, Whirl!

Dave F. said...

You have a unique perspective on the world. This is strange fun, very strange fun. Kinda like an acid flashback for a '60's burnout fun...

WouldBe said...

He who says he can predict WO's work be lyin', or is closer to the bottom of a keg 'o grog than the top.