Once upon a time, there lived a boy called Muttonchops who loved to annoy bears.
One day, he walked right into a bear cave, intent on making mischief.
He put sneezing powder in the soup, whoopee cushions under all the chairs, and plastic spiders in the beds.
When the bears returned home, he hid away and watched, sniggering.
‘Great soup, Hon,’ said Daddy Bear.
‘My own special recipe,’ said Mummy Bear.
‘I’m the luckiest bear alive!’ said Baby Bear.
The bears sat down to watch Urseinfeld.
‘Ho ho,’ said Daddy Bear, ‘that soup’s coming through already!’
‘It’s the vegetables,’ said Mummy Bear. ‘What a rasp!’
‘Quack quack,’ chuckled Baby Bear.
Muttonchops gnashed his teeth.
Presently, the bears went to bed.
‘Wow,’ said Daddy Bear, ‘look at this amazing backscratcher!’
‘What an unusual hairbrush,’ said Mummy Bear.
‘It’s like Christmas,’ whooped Baby Bear, clutching his spider to his chest with glee.
Muttonchops screamed and shook his fists.
‘Why aren’t you cross? It’s not fair! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!'
All eyes fell on the tufts of fluff bristling from the boy’s face. The bears smiled and advanced on him in their stripy pyjamas.
‘Never could grow a decent moustache,’ said Daddy Bear, tearing off Muttonchops’ right cheek.
‘Or flutter my eyelashes properly,’ added Mummy Bear, ripping away the left.
‘And if I don’t get my daily proteins, I’ll end up all wrinkly like Rumplestiltskin,’ laughed Baby Bear — and he swallowed Muttonchops whole.