Sunday, May 04, 2008

Detective Story 5

So this short sip of water walks into my room. And she comes in talking, and talking fast, setting off my bitch-early-warning system.

Yeah. I’m already annoyed, watching her watching me while she staccatos me with this laundry list of shit she wants done, yeah, you guessed it, by me, for her. She’s that kind of broad. Looks like she’s used to getting her way. A real bitch. You know the type.

And we haven’t even talked about paying me yet. But after a listen to this chick’s shit list, I can hear the metal at the bottom of my till ringing and pinging with all that cold hard cash of hers spilling right on into it, so I’m beginning to listen pretty well.

Seems Blondie wants me to find some guy she calls, get this, evil. What the hell, lady? I say to her. Evil? You think I can find one single evil guy here in Gotham? Like there’s only one? Sure there is, lady. Sure.

Listen. It’s like this, short sip says. Evil’s not like any other man you’ll ever see. He stands out. He’s got these muttonchops that’ll keep me warm at night, in all the right places…

And I’m thinking I could do little Blondie some legwarming all my own, but no, she’s motoring on with her shit list about this Evil guy. ‘Cause it turns out, that’s not his nickname, that’s his fucking first name. His actual moniker. Yeah.

And then it hits me. I met that guy at a party. Got a nipple ring, if you can believe that shit. And he was being, you know, ministered to in this hot tub out back of his big house by some woman from Dubai or somewhere. And I’m being paid to find some blonde chick and keep her away from them.

And then I sit up real straight, ‘cause I know right where Blondie is.



--Robin S.

9 comments:

Julie Weathers said...

*snorts*

How funny. Yeah, even better than I expected, but how will our detective decide?

Sarah Laurenson said...

LOL Nice one!

You could call it Finding Evil

Oops, just got an e-mail that my first comment this morning bounced. *sigh*

Evil Editor said...

I have blogger sending comments to the new email account and the old one, so possibly bounce notices will go out when aol bounces you, and the message will still be posted through gmail. Doesn't explain why Phoenix's exercise didn't make it to either email, but we're doing better overall. Her story is now # 12.

Dave F. said...

You are so naughty - naughty, naughty, delightfully naughty!

by the way - this: laundry list of shit she wants done
would be more outrageous as this"
laundry list of skid marks I need to wipe from her sheets...

sylvia said...

Haha, I sat up straight myself. I loved this.

talpianna said...

Hey! I thought this was supposed to be fiction, not autobiography!

McKoala said...

Another true life story. Always the best.

Nancy Beck said...

LMAO!! I knew this was robin's! :-)

::giggle:: ::snort:: This made my day! :-)

jeb said...

snicker

Anybody who thought EE's anniversary party was over when the bar closed....