Q & A 140 WTF?

I have a 'nasty' word in the first few pages of my novel, and it's a nasty word that's repeated a few times. No, the word isn't fuck. I've looked at this and thought a lot about it in the past few days, and I thought about reworking it, but it belongs there. It's actually central to the setup of the plot. And I repeat, no, the word isn't fuck, and the word isn't a synonym for fuck. Is this a deal-killer when an agent reads?


Just to give me an idea of how hard you tried to get rid of the word, did you feel it was central to the setup of your question to use the word "fuck" several times?

Does your word come up as often per paragraph in your book as "fuck" does in your question?

Let's see, it's not a synonym for "fuck," so it can't be "poling the gondola to Love Canal."

Does your word have 4 letters, 10 letters, or twelve letters?

Which of the following is it a synonym for? Dropping the kids off at the pool, love oasis, pork sword, Republican.

If your word is central to your plot, does that mean you can't avoid using it in your query letter? If so, always double check to be sure you didn't accidentally use it in the salutation. (I know that's unlikely, but you throw these words around so willy-nilly I thought it best to warn you.) Wait a minute, is your word "willy"?

It doesn't sound like you'll be submitting this to agents who handle only inspirational novels, so I think we can assume the agent won't be offended by the word itself. She's probably seen it before, in emails from authors she declined to represent. She may, however, be offended by the context in which you use it. For example, compare these two excerpts (I've replaced the unknown word with a series of random letters and symbols):

1. "You've raped me and tortured me for three months, you depraved bastard," she said. "Any last words before I put a bullet in your head?"

"Yeah. Go to hell, c#@t."


2. It was a sunny day in Pleasantville, and Father O'Leary was heading for the church to hear confessions. As he crossed the street he saw two c#@ts coming out of the ice cream parlor.


Note than in example 1, a very bad person is using the kind of language one might expect from a very bad person who's about to get what's coming to him. In example 2, such language is unlikely if this is the good Father's POV, so this must be the author's POV. This might bother the agent.

If your agent suggests that example 1 would be less offensive and equally effective with your word replaced by "you old cow," well, that's what you're paying her 15% for.

Finally, to avoid repetition, you might want to consider whether to change the c word to the b word occasionally, or whether to change the m word to the other b word, or even f-ing b-word. Better yet, make him British and have him use a British insult that Americans wouldn't find offensive:

"Any last words before I put a bullet in your head?"

"Yeah. Go to hell, wankcheese."