Friday, January 04, 2008
Fight Scene 4
Freddy sprang away, drawing her sword she slashed at the ugly fairy’s arm, cutting him deeply above the elbow. [You'll make a better first impression if your scene begins with a sentence.] He howled and released Deg.
Deg drew his own weapon and stabbed upward, impaling the grotesque through his chest. Blood splattered Deg’s face and tunic. [Grotesque blood never washes out. That tunic's shot.] He shot to his feet and took off running, [Do you really have to run away from a creature when its arm's been almost cut off and it's been impaled through the chest? Finish it off.] grabbing Freddy’s hand to pull her along after him. Freddy stumbled, holding her mouth as she gagged, horrified at what she had just done.
A pack of nearly a dozen hideous white dogs came running towards them from the road. Deg fell back, placing Freddy behind him with one arm to shield her with his own body as the Hunt approached.
Someone grabbed Fred’s long red braid. She shrieked as her head was violently yanked back. The bones in her neck clicked twice and Fred caught herself thinking, One more click and I’m dead.
Her attacker spun her to the ground, but Freddy rolled away from the kick he aimed at her side. She leapt to her feet again and turned to face the foxy-faced fairy, [and as Freddie faced the foxy-faced fairy, Philip frantically flipped Freddie his firearm.] [Wait, who's Philip?] alarmed at the way her hands were shaking as they gripped the sword.
Deg was hurling what sounded to Freddy like Latin epithets at the white dogs as they charged on him. [Succurro! Adepto mihi ex hic! Adepto illa damno canis off mihi! Oh shittius.] He sent several off yelping and wounded into the night, but Freddy didn’t know how much longer Deg could hold out under the pack's steady barrage.
The foxy-faced man [I thought it was a foxy-faced fairy.] licked his long chops, and eyed Freddy critically head to toe. “You’re a dainty treat.”
Posted by Evil Editor at 3:12 PM